Answer to Prayer

Lately over the past several weeks, the LORD and I have been wrestling, well ok really just me. Not something that I can say I am proud of, but sometimes even the best of sinners go through these times, one of which I am not (the best of sinners that is - well it all depends on which way you look at it, cause really I would consider my wicked heart best at sinning sometimes!) Anyways, nevermind. I was reading in Genesis this week and was reminded once again that even Jacob, one of our great forefathers wrestled with the LORD. Also there were many others who wrestled with God, although maybe not physically, they had it out with Him in their hearts and souls.
The answer to prayer in all of this crazy wrestling is that the LORD Himself still hears me even when I am wrestling and weak and He gives me what I need. Two weeks ago after yet another sermon that reminded me how important God's Word, His Holy Truth, is I felt very convicted again, that I just haven't read the Bible enough. I haven't treated it as though it is special. I haven't see it as different from any other book. And I certainly have not taken the time to feed on it and hide it in my heart and meditate on it as the very God breathed inspired Word!
So here is how God heard me and answered... One day last week, during the busyness and hustle and bustle, I felt convicted once again by His Spirit that I was not feeding on God's Word. So right then and there I just simply asked the LORD, "God, I can't come up with this on my own, please give me a desire to read your Word! Please give me an unquenchable, insatiable desire for Your Truth!" It wasn't a get down on my knees prayer of humility. It wasn't a beat my breast before the King of Creation. It was a quick prayer from a small conviction, in between songs as I drove down the road to work. This is the amazing part! Are you ready?! God heard me, even in my wrestling, my fear, doubt, and distrust, God heard my prayer!
So this past Sunday I went to night church. Honestly, I wasn't going to go, but I went because I am teaching Pioneer Clubs and the Pastor was going to pray for us before we started. The sermon that night was the LORD speaking to me from my small request. The pastor spoke of God's Word and the importance of reading it, not out of duty, but out of love. He spoke of the ridiculous difference in how we read a love letter vs. the Bible. We read love letters over and over again, through once and then backwards, we read in between the lines, we watch for emphasis in words, we hear tones in punctuation, we look for emotion in the ink on the page... and yet with the Bible, we just skim through it chapter by chapter with no excitement whatsoever. UGH! And the conviction landed on my head!!!! Who told him that I was struggling to even pick up my Bible, my love letter from my Savior? Who told the pastor that it had lost it's luster in my heart? When I got home that night I picked up my 1 year Bible reading plan and started reading the next day. Today I just made it through Genesis... yeh, 4 days ahead of schedule!!! I know!! Isn't that amazing! I just couldn't stop reading earlier!!!
God is so good to give me even the smallest desire to be in His Word. Now for some of you this may sound silly, because you have already mastered the discipline of reading your Bible everday. But for me this is huge! Of course this has been a slow week at work, and so next week might be a little more difficult. But it has just been such a blessing to my heart that God has given me the desire to pick up His Word, and sit and read and study it. This is seriously not something that I would be able to do on my own right now, because I am still wrestling with the LORD. But praise God that He is slow to anger, gracious and abounding in Love.
"a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench..." - Isaiah 42:3
I have been reminding my heart of this by keeping a candle lit at my house because my heart has felt like a faintly burning wick lately. And as I was reading through Genesis this week, I was reminded again that God is a covenant God and has chosen a people to make His Name known to. He is the one the covenant rest on, Praise His Name, Hallelujah! He is the one that will finish in me what He started. I could have no more chosen Him in my sin, and surely could not walk this life that He has called me to if He was not bringing me to completion. Praise the LORD that I am one of His covenant children, and even though I may struggle through the trials and the wrestling, that my faintly burning wick will by His love and grace continue to burn and He will kindle it until the day the LORD returns for me! I have that promise in His Name! Hallelujah for answered prayer!!!