J.I. Packer

I know I have put this quote on here before, but it goes along so well with my last post on "Pedastools".
J.I. Packer - "There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me."
If I could just live my life from day to day in the light of this; through His eyes and His love...

Pedastools

This is just a short thought (well it started off short, haha!) that has been rolling around in my head for a couple days now, after I fell off my own pedastool, AGAIN.

God has recently shown me sin in my life again, and I have been convicted once again of how often I live my life deceived about my own self. So often I trick myself and set myself up on a pedastool before the watching world, and honestly before my own eyes.
Why do I do that? It's as if my sinful mind refuses to accept that it is truly depraved and therefore continues to trick myself into thinking that I really am not that bad off. Of course I don't realize this until after the topple usually, who does?
For the most part "I try" to be the good christian girl! And if you don't know me, then just let me tell you rather frankly that my efforts fall very severely short!
So in reality I am only deceiving myself in order to take a harder fall. Because honestly I can't completely deny my wretched sinfulness for very long. Although I will have to say my mind is the best when it comes to deceiving. But if I am in relationships and basically if I am breathing, then I inevitably am going to sin... hello! Lindsey wake up!!!
So this is my question... for myself really... why do I keep setting myself up in the deception of me being good, when all it gets me is a further ways to fall? I have thought of this just recently not only with me, but with people who are in the public eye as well... pastors, hollywood actors, politicians, etc....why are we so in shock when people sin? Is it because we (I know I have done this) have them set up so high in our minds, set up on their pedastools, that when (not if, but when) they sin they topple off and have further to fall back to reality. I guess I was thinking of this just last week, because I just love my pastor, and he is such an amazing preacher of the truth of the Gospel. He is faithful to always always preach the living Word. But I am always reminded, by him, from the pulpit, that he is a sinner just like the rest of us. He is constantly real with us and confesses sin and tells of his weaknesses, and lives in Christ power through his struggles.
So why don't I do that? Why don't I live real before others? Why don't I live through my weaknesses and let others see the power of Christ in me? Why don't I live as Christ sees me, when He sees more than I ever could. He knows my heart better than I ever will! He sees the sinner that I am and has rescued me and saved me inspite of me. So why do I keep trying to fool myself...obviously if the God of the universe knows my wicked heart and has saved me in love, then isn't it about time that I come to grips with who I am, and start living as though I am a sinner saved by grace?!
I pray that my pedastool stays below sea level where it belongs!

Facebook - Not What It's Name Means

I just read a very blunt, practical, yet harshly true post today about Facebook, or as this man calls it "TwoFacedbook". Now before you click on the link to read the short post about Facebook, I want to say that I do have a facebook account, and at one time, just about a month ago, I was spending hours clicking, pilfering, and rummaging through the lives of my friends, without even realizing the amount of time that was passing.
And all of my time looking into their lives was done without ever even contacting them. I was convicted that my facebook time had gotten way out of hand, and so I took some steps to refocus my intentions in relationships. Don't get me wrong, I am no holy, great relationship girl... I just came to a realization, after taking a step back, that Facebook was not exactly what it's name says it is.
I was convicted in my own life that, my relationships are to be an open book, and I am to live face to face, and share my struggles, joys, weaknesses and life with others. But that is not exactly what facebook offers even though the name does suggest and open book life lived face to face with friends.
After taking a facebook break :) I can see it truly is very disconnected, distant, and separate from the day to day life that I feel I am to share in relationships God has given me.
Now don't get me wrong, I think it's a great way to keep in touch, as is email, texting, phone calls, but that face to face living in relationship I think is where I grow, am challenged, convicted, and most importantly sanctified. I honestly can say for my life, I think God's #1 way of sanctifying me is through close relationships with other sinful people. That is where my sin comes to the surface most, that is where I get a glimpse of how awful and wretched I really am, and that is where God shows me His grace and love, through those that see my sin, see my wicked heart, and yet have love for me despite that, because of Christ that has brought our lives together.
So with that said, I am in no way bashing any facebook lover, because honestly, I love keeping up with friends... it's just been over the past month that I have realized how short I have fallen in truly living my life for the glory of God in face to face relationships and before the face of God.
So enough of that, here is the link to the "twofacedbook" post.
Enjoy!
http://cayennelemonade.blogspot.com/2009/03/competition-for-facebook.html

A Must Read

Ok, so I know the buzz has been going around about the book: The Shack
Well let me just give you my 2 cent worth and tell you it is worth the time to read it. I read the whole book in two days, I just couldn't put it down. That says a lot about the book right there, because I am such a slow reader!
Putting all preconceived notions of theology, and beginning the first page with an open mind, is a must. After doing that the story of Mack's relationship with God will just sweep you away to a magical place..... one that I envy!
Hello.... NO! I'm not going to tell you how the story goes! You have to read it for yourself!
And please hear me when I say IT IS NOT THE BIBLE, so don't go getting any other wrong notions about God from this book, because I know (me included) we all already have wrong views and cast molds set up of God and who we think He is.
Truly, it is an amazing book that focuses more on the day to day, down and dirty relationship between God and His children.... and you have got to buy it today, or borrow it from a friend to read it!
I would lend you my copy but pages are bent down, an just about the whole book is now highlighted in pink!
haha!
:)
Enjoy!

Prayer for Me

The journal that I occasionally write in right now has a scripture verse on each page. This is very helpful, because right now, I need the Word put in front of my eyes as often as possible, kind of like blinders on a stubborn horse.
Anyways, one of the verses that I read today is a prayer that I am going to start praying for myself. And if you read this blog at all, I desperately covet this prayer from you, for me.
Please?!

2 Thessalonians 3:5 ~
"May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ." -ESV

"May the LORD bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and of the patience that comes from Christ." -TLB (I have no idea what translation that is, but it's just a different perspective.)

Please, if you think of me, and want to pray, please pray this short prayer for me and my heart, from 2 Thessalonians, as I walk through this season with the LORD.

Hard Rain in the Desert

Yes, I know it has been way too long since I sat to write thoughts, or even just sat to think for that matter! But I am back. Crazy how I go in spurts like that, but that is just me. :) No denying that!
So yesterday was my first time to go to church in a while. And boy was it rough.... good but rough, convicting but hit hard, the bold Gospel but just difficult to hear.
Sundays have been hard for me for a while now, just because of this season that I am going through and the struggle that I am in with the Lord. For a while I have only gone to the Sunday morning service, because my "contentment" sunday school class was just keeping me mad and frustrated, and well, the 11am service was about all I could handle.
The weekend of the 6th was fun... I went to Tennessee to visit a precious friend/cousin-in-law of mine. I love her to death and we have been best of friends from the beginning. She had a baby shower for her second lil boy which is due in April, and I was able to go up for the weekend and enjoy some time with her. It was so much fun and a great break from life here. It was just what I needed, although Church was left out that weekend.
The weekend of the 13th was fabulous... I left on Saturday, with a group of friends from my church, headed to Ft. Morgan, AL for a spring break beach trip! No, I don't get a spring break, but yes, I took one! haha! I had so much fun just relaxing, cooking, playing on the beach, wearing myself out, playing games, and fellowshipping with new friends! :) It was a fun trip and a needed escape weekend for me, although Church was not attended that weekend either.
So if I count the weeks in between since my last church, it had been 3 weeks since I had been to church to hear the Gospel and to be in the body of Christ. That is almost a month! And for this wayward one 3 weeks is way too long!
So yesterday I was desparately hungry (no, not in my stomach) and I got up early and went to sunday school, and both church services. Yes, the contentment class was still frustrating, but only because I feel like I will never get there. But the two services felt like a hard rain after being in the desert. Those 3 weeks felt like a desert; not while I was in them, but coming out of them. Looking back those weeks were like a mirage in the desert and yesterday the Lord opened up the floodgates and drowned me!
Both services were excruiating painfully hard to hear. They both were the bold confrontational Gospel truth (in true M.C. style, which I love), and the stories, the applications that my pastor used were acutely detailed, hemmed and tailored to fit only me. I sat there, tears streaming down my face, in awe at how both sermons in one day were not only exactly what I needed to hear, but exactly situations where I have been and what I am going through. They put me in touch with emotions, feelings, uncertainties, doubts and questions that I had purposely not dealt with for, oh, let me see, about 3 weeks!
I will have to say, after weeping through two church services, the Hound of Heaven is after me AGAIN! Although maybe He always has been! I am thankful today that even though the road is tough, and even though I stray off it every chance I get, and even though I try to out run Him and these issues, and even though I sometimes dig my heels in deep with stubborn rebellion...... He is there!!! 3 weeks of no church but He never left, 2 weekends of escape but He never escaped, days of my mind deceiving me, but He remained the same, and He continues to pursue me and chase me down the twists and turns that is my life.
Today I am thankful, very thankful for that Hound of Heaven that continues to relentlessly pursue me!

Stand In The Rain

So lately I have been listening to the radio, because, well honestly, these days silence is not my preference, so the radio is a good noise while I'm driving. And lately, only by the grace of God, I have been wanting to listen to 93.5 which is a local Christian station that plays some really great songs! Something so small a detail such as listening to Christian songs, but such a big thing, because that desire is from the Lord, and this I am sure of!!!

This song I heard today after a hard session with my favorite Mrs. B :) and well, it hit a little close to home to say the least! 

She never slows down,

She doesn't know why,

But she knows that when she's all alone

Feels like it's all coming down.

She won't turn around,

The shadows are long,

And she fears if she cries

That first tear, the tears will not stop raining down.

Chorus:

So stand in the rain,

Stand your ground,

Stand up when it's all crashing down.

Stand through the pain,

You won't drown,

And one day what's lost will be found

So stand in the rain. 

She won't make a sound,

Alone with this fight with herself,

And the fears whispering

If she stands, she'll fall down.

She wants to be found.

The only way out is

Through everything she's running from,

Wants to give up and lie down.

Chorus 3x

So stand in the rain,

Stand your ground,

Stand up when it's all crashing down.

Stand through the pain,

You won't drown,

And one day what's lost will be found

So stand in the rain.

So stand in the rain.

- Super Chic

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

Chorus:
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.
My hands are holding you.

-Tenth Avenue North

Weekend Wiggle Worm

This past weekend I had the privilege of keeping my sweet niece and nephew over night on Friday and all day Saturday. We had so much fun! I went and got them after work on Friday and I brought them back to my house for a couple days of some good spoiling... since their Granna and Papaw aren't here, I get to pick up the slack where they left off. :) I mean isn't that what aunts and grandparents are for? hehe I spoiled them with sweets, fort picnics, treats, and lots and lots of love.

I think I probably had more fun than they did. We ate pizza, W's favorite, and ice cream with Reeses pieces (special cookies) in it, R and W's favorite! That girl has a sweet tooth like none other, she definitely got that from her sweet momma! They got to stay up a lil later than they usually do, and R slept in my low bamboo guest bed. She went right off to sleep with baby in arms. 

W on the other hand fell asleep on the couch reading a book after supper. He was so tired... they both slept til 7am, which was nice, especially after I finally dozed off to sleep for a while. :)

I left him there while I put R down, because I knew she could handle waking up in a new place. W on the other hand, I wasn't too sure how he would react waking up in a new place without mom and dad there. So he slept with me in my room. I have a high bed and so I put pillows down on the floor beside the bed. I had to change his clothes while he was sleeping, I mean my lil man was knocked out cold! Doesn't he look like a little angel?! He was sleeping sooooo sweet and peaceful.

Changing into his pj's didn't even budge him, so I picked him up and put him in my bed. I watched a movie and then afterwards attempted to go to sleep. haha! This is where my wiggle worm came alive! :) He didn't move all throughout the movie, but when it was time for LaLa to go to sleep, that lil worm got to wiggling and couldn't stop. I'm wondering if he has his Granna's restless leg syndrome?!?!? I woke up every time he moved, for fear he would fall off my high bed. And several times, I think 3 to be exact, I got a swift punch in the face, and a kick in the bladder, etc, etc, etc... haha! It was priceless. My lil man squirmed all over that bed, more than a earth worm trying to get away while you're trying your best to pick him up! ha! Needless to say,  I didn't get good sleep that night, and he will so be sleeping in his own bed next time, that is a given. But I will have to say, it was all worth it! I had so much fun and enjoyed every minute of those babies being with me!

Honestly, it made me really really want babies of my own, but I know that will come one day, I guess, if that is what the Lord wants for me. But until then I will shower all my LaLa love on my sweet W & R. They are as close to my babies as I'm getting right now. Love em just like my own, with a lil more spoiling I think! :) It was such a fun weekend!