Me a Model?!?!?!

I am amazed!!! Lezlie Andrew made me look amazing! WOW! That's all I can say!!! She is an awesome photographer in Texas. I think I'm still in shock! Check her out here! Thank you so much Lezlie, it was my privilege to meet and work with you! You are fabulous!

ME Model?!?!!!!

Today I am worn out and in shock as God continues to work in me, showing me who He created me to be, with my God given gifts, flare, unique desires, personality, loves, passions, talents, gifts, one of a kind qualities, everything that He's gifted me with to honor & glorify Him, and take delight in Him while having fun living out this life He's created for me.
Tuesday I picked up gorgeous N to take her to Atlanta, Georgia for a modeling adventure. She is a beautiful girl, as I've had the opportunity to photograph her before. I found out about the Photo Workshop from an amazing photographer, whose blog I follow. She holds workshops for photographers, this time teaching 60 women about photography for several days, and then has a couple days set apart for them to put into use their new found tricks, tips, and knowledge. She put out a casting call for models & so I put her in touch with N. Seeing as how sweet N just turned 18, she needed a responsible adult to accompany her, hehe, that would be me! Haha! ;)
We set out for ATL Tuesday morning and stayed with a precious friend of mine in Buford. I had so much fun catching up with her and picking up right where we left off about 3 years ago. I love you H!
We woke up early Wednesday morning, got my caffeine fix at Starbucks and set out toward the W Hotel in downtown ATL. My only goal: to get N to her photo shoot on time. We arrived, after many detours, doing circles, and stopping to ask for directions only 10 minutes late. I was proud of myself. ATL traffic sucks!
We walked into Studio #4 and B, the design coordinator, asked if N was a model... my job was finished here, or so I thought. She took N and got her started with getting her hair done. Just as I was about to sit down against the wall, she whirled around and said would you like to model for me too? We had a girl cancel at the last minute and I need one more girl. As I stood there shocked and questioning, she moved right on ahead as if I had squealed a yes and jumped up and down with excitement. haha! I walked out of the Studio, shocked and pondering, as I walked a couple blocks to move my car. The valet took my car as I was zoning thinking through this whole thing. I brought no cute clothes, done absolutely nothing to my hair, was in jeans and a t-shirt, and was thinking I don't know if I can do this or not...I didn't come for this, I was just planning to bring N and hopefully hear a few photography tips.
As I walked back through the W halls to Studio #4, I thought, why not have some fun?! I absolutely love photography and have been given a gift by the Lord, and am rarely at the focal end of the camera. So I have very very few pictures of me, especially professional ones.
So I walked back in ready to go. B picked out a dress for me to wear, not just any dress... an old vintage lace wedding dress. I immediately remembered my adorable peep toes that I brought & went back to the valet to get them. She picked out a bird cage veil for my head piece and moved me on to get my hair done. I was put in hot rollers, I'm assuming to smooth out the messy curl, haha! Then Stormie, who is an absolutely amazing hair designer, took over and put my hair up in a classy do with my hair making a gorgeous bow in the back. I still don't know how she did that. She's a miracle worker with hair! I was then ushered to the make up artist who touched up my make up in order to bring together the details of my outfit. After that we waited until time to shoot.
After a couple of hours of models streaming in, it was time to get dressed. I put on the old vintage halter lace wedding dress that fit like a glove, after which B placed the bird cage veil in my hair. They ushered us into the room where the 60+ photographers were waiting for us. Then they were divided into groups of four and we headed out into the streets of downtown ATL to shoot.
I had the time of my life! I was privileged to model for four amazing wedding photographers from all over the US. We walked from street to street, seeking out the most fascinating spots, designed grafittied walls, broken windows, stairwells, restaurants, unique colored places to take pictures. They told me where to stand how to pose and what faces to make... and yes, all in peep toe pumps, which is probably one reason I'm in this ankle brace now! yikes! If Dr. Lawin knew the fun I had, she'd kill me!
I will post some shots once I get them. It was such an overwhelming privilege to model for these ladies, to hear them bounce ideas off each other and shoot pics of me for two hours. I'll have to confess it was the most fun I've had in a long time, and it fit me to a tee, because I absolutely love photography, and what girl doesn't love getting dressed up, hair done, make up done, and prancing around downtown ATL having four photographers all around snapping pictures!
It was a superstar dream! And I worked it out in front of those cameras...I've watched just enough of America's Next Top Model with Tyra Banks to be dangerous! haha! haha!
Here I was just being a chauffeur and suddenly was transformed into a wedding/bride model.
God is so hilarious and He makes me laugh, because only He would know me well enough to know that modeling a wedding dress in downtown ATL, having photographers all around me is something that I would absolutely eat up! haha! Only He could pull something like that off for me!
I tell ya, even though I am dog tired and in pain... it was such a blast and food for my soul! I can't wait to see and post pictures from the event. Thank you God for that sweet blessing of joyful fun! You amaze me!

Lock Down

"for whenever our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything..." - 1 John 3:19-21

God is so good! These days you won't hear those words come out of my mouth very easily or very often, but at the end of last week, my mouth was praising the Lord. Jesus and Jesus alone knows how to love this heart of mine, with all it's hardness, impenetrable brick walls, hot barbed wire, alarm system, and defenses that are set on high alert 99.9% of the time.

This month my heart hurt in a way that was the tiny minuscule straw that broke the ginormous camels back. I broke because it was exact same hurt that I have walked through for many years now, if not once, then a bazillion times. Therefore, my heart went into lock down like the iron gates of Alcatraz. The doors of my heart slammed closed, the Lord was shoved out, alarm was set, barbed wire made hot, and lock down was tight, impenetrable in fact. Anger, and many other emotions coursed through my veins, and nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing was getting in.

I was asked shortly after "what gets through in times of lock down?" And it took me a few days to figure out, but honestly the only thing that seeps in, under, around, in between, and through in lock down is my mom's love and music. Well, God in His goodness, is the only single person/spirit/thing (whatever you wanna categorize Him as) that knows how to break through the lock down.

On Friday, July 25th, my momma and I travelled to Monroe, Louisiana to hear Travis Cottrell & his worship team. It was their very first opening night of their new tour, Jesus Saves Live. I took off work and we got there a bout six hours early, we were soooo excited! :) We didn't think we could get in early, but we were able to sneak in with one of the choir members. It was such a gift to my heart. We stealthily sat in the balcony motionless, so as not to be found out, as we were the only ones in the warm up (that weren't supposed to be there). We listened as Travis and his worship team warmed up for that evenings worship service. We felt like VIPs being able to listen to two hours of Travis Cottrell warm up! I mean seriously, who gets that kind of blessing?!

After the warm up, and right before the doors opened we went downstairs, bought his new CD and a couple of t-shirts, then we snuck down and sat on the second row. We were so close I could spit on him, I never would, but still! I was utterly amazed! Not only did I get to hear one of my very favorite worship leaders sing in person, but he sang almost all of my exact favorites of his. The line up was set just for me. I'm telling you, only the Lord knows how to break through.

As I sat, well actually stood most of the time, I was completely in awe of God. The things that Travis Cottrell said, the scripture that he read, the words of encouragement that he brought, the truths he spoke, the answers to questions I've asked, the two hour worship service filled with my favorite songs. It was truly and honestly a night fit and divinely directed just for me.

I am still in awe at the extravagant lengths God went to to seep around my lock down in order to show me His merciful love. Standing on the second row with my head thrown back, arms stretched wide, hands up, and heart wide open to God... my heart worshiped God for the 1st time in a very very long time. I can honestly say I have never in my life worshiped the Lord in that manner before. Tears flowed, Travis Cottrell disappeared and he (as he does so well) ushered me right to the Mercy Seat in the presence of my living Savior Jesus Christ. Honestly, there was a part of my heart that worshipped God that night, that has never ever ever worshipped Him before.

After the worship service I was able to talk with Travis and tell him just how much his music and gift meant to me. We got through by the skin of our teeth as everyone after us was turned away. God was working in so many details that night, wooing me, whispering sweet truths of love to my heart, answering deep searching painful questions, and seeping through the hardened walls to make me feel His love. It was unmistakable and inescapable!

That night of worship was a pivotal point in my life that I will always look back on to see how God extravagantly went out of His way to show me how much He really loves me. I am still in awe and amazed, and probably will be ten years down the road.

He is good, and His love endures forever! Praise His Name for knowing me so intimately & knowing how to get through to me. Only Jesus!

High Tolerance

For the past 10+ years I have struggled with pain in my heels. If I am on my feet for any extended period of time (which means over 10 minutes) my heels begin to throb. It hasn't been too horribly bad, only because I am blessed with a super, and I mean extremely high tolerance for pain. I can handle pain that would make most people squeamish. Also it hasn't been rough, because I am a stiletto, pumps, peep toes, wedges and high heel addict! So that takes the pressure of my heels and moves it to the balls of my feet. I'm a smart one I tell ya! But recently I have also developed pain in my right ankle, one that has given me trouble before as I am a volleyball addict. And also one that is irritated by my high heel addiction.

So yesterday I visited the most famous foot doc in Mississippi. She was also amazed at how long I have waited to come in. She calls it stubborn, I call it a blessing... haha!

So now I am in physical therapy 3x a week for a month, doing exactly what the doc says, in order to try and prevent surgery. And the bonus: I get to where my sneaks all day every day, along with a beauty of a lil air cast. :) The stilletos will have to be shelved for now, but hopefully not forever!

All I can say is praise the Lord for amazing doctors who know exactly what they are talking about and how to fix it! Now let's just hope in a month things will be at least 80% better.

Invisible Chameleon

For about seven months now I have succumb to living a very hard journey. It has been a very worthwhile one, a much needed one, a life changing one, a not fun one, but nonetheless one that had to come. You can only out run your past for so long until it catches up with you, and like a rabid dog bites you in the @$$!

As I looked back at me a couple weeks ago, I was amazed how God created each of us, and how He gave me personalized characteristics that are unique, that no one else owns. I am made in a perfectly, once in this life time, unique way, molded in a use-once-only mold, and crafted in a way to where (praise God!) there is only one of me! No one else can replicate me, no one else can be me...try as you may, but God created me and then broke the mold, so I'm unique in the very fabric of my being. He has given unique gifts, talents, passions, loves, desires, qualities, emotions, and characteristics that absolutely no one on this earth shares with me. I am the only one who can do me.

Looking back I realized that God gifted me with amazing qualities that have never been acknowledged. One astounding quality and characteristic being my coping chameleon. This is the name I've given to the awesome side of me that survived as a child. With a lil help I was able to step back and stand in awe and appreciate how God has made me. He gave me my coping chameleon to make it through my childhood and come out on this end of it with only the scars as visible signs to remember, which is enough for me.

I am astounded how at such a young age, I knew exactly what I had to do in order to survive day to day, fly under the radar, steady the boat, don't make waves, don't draw attention & slip through childhood a chameleon, blending into the background of others' lives in order to make it.

I genuinely believe that God gave me that amazing coping chameleon characteristic and it's one of the reasons I am here today.

So even though at times I look back with disappointment and sadness at a mostly blank screen and scars... I am thankful, I am overwhelmed with joy because that blank screen could be full of many other things. And because of the amazing coping chameleon God created in me, I have very minimal scars; they're deep, but there could be many more. And at this time He knows exactly what I can handle as I shed my chameleon skin.

Thank you God for creating me uniquely me, with such amazing qualities... I feel like I'm only scratching the surface! This chameleon is beginning to shine with colors of my very own, ones that only I can do, because I am unique to Him!

Fast and Furious

Life has been so crazy lately. The days seem to fly by with every minute crammed full of something. Meeting with someone, going somewhere, doing something. After arriving home from ATL on Wednesday night I realized it's time for some down time. Thank goodness I can only go fast and furious for so long now... and then I crash!
I have one more fun weekend this weekend with my fam at Enid & then I am crashing for a week with no pressing engagements!
But as I look back, these past couple weeks have been amazing and my heart is full of joy. I feel like there is a part of me that is breathing in life for the first time, and it's added a spring in my step, even though my right foot is busted... my heart is still skipping. :)

Highs + Lows

I had an amazing mentor a while back that would ask me what my highs + lows were...
Every day, week, month, year has highs and lows. I think it's a great idea in relationships/freindships/marriages to ask... what was your high and low for today. It helps to keep a pulse on what a person is dealing with or struggling through, or celebrating over, or rejoicing in.
Highs + lows have been a part of life from the very beginning... well, I take that back, I'm not sure Adam and Eve had lows in the days of Eden... hummmm...
Blessings + Curses or Highs + Lows are a part of every single thing in life.
Examples:
High: enjoying having my mom & dad living with me
Low: readjusting after they've gone back to the mission field again.
High: having an awesome job & fabulous boss! I love my job, it's such a blessing!
Low: desk job is not my calling in life.
Those are just a couple examples to show how blessings and curses, or highs + lows come with every single thing in this life. That's just how it works.
My high for today, eh maybe I should say week ~ worshipping with Travis Cottrell this past Friday night. Yeh, that high is lasting for a while :), more on that later...
My low for today: being a woman, enough said! hahaha!
What are your highs + lows?
It's an interesting way to look at things, and fun too.

Comfort in Reality

Yep, this pretty much sounds like me! His very own mess! It is kinda comforting to know He knows me better than I even know myself! :)

“I was the enemy of God. I was stamping through God’s universe, shaking my fist in His face. And in the very moment when I was shaking my fist in God’s face and tramping through the Creator’s universe, muddying all His streams, that’s when Jesus died for me. And if this is when Jesus died for me, what hope it gives me now! Now, even when I fall, the blood of Jesus is enough. He didn’t save me because I was strong; He saved me when I was weak. He didn’t save me when I was a pretty thing; He saved me when I was a mess. On the basis of this reality, I can have comfort.”
-Francis Schaeffer, The Finished Work of Christ.

A Typical Week

Monday = Moody :/
Tuesday = Tearful :(
Wednesday = Wobbly :P
Thursday = Thriving :)
Friday = Fabulous :P
Saturday = Sensational ;o* zzz
Sunday = Savory Sadness :o}

And yes, it's Fabulous Friday and I am MORE THAN READY to go home for the weekend!!! ;)

Cheesy Love

Lately I have been talking with a precious blessing of a friend about what love is, how I hear love, how I feel loved, how the world projects and teaches love, how God loves, and how I expect to be loved. 

If you haven't read the book: The Five Love Languages, it's a must. Because trust me, there are about a bazillion and one ways to say the three words, I LOVE YOU!

So recently we were grappling with the fact that sometimes I just don't feel loved, I don't hear love from people that I know in my head really love me, and honestly, in regards to the Lord I think I have a mental block sometimes that keeps me from feeling His love. I am wading through that blockage/wall and sifting through everything that composes that wall, and it's been a tough hard road, but one that I finally am walking down. 

So the other day my sweet friend told me a story that I just had to share. It meant so much to me, and is one I will always look back on and remember. It just clarified things for me in my heart, in a way that only she can, or just created more questions. haha! I am a very visual person, and so to be able to see a story and apply the concept to my life is priceless to me. 

She told me of a young married couple that was reaching the years of the honey moon phase wearing off. As the husband was on his way out the door to go to the store one day the wife asked him to get her some cream cheese. It's all she needed, because she had forgotten it just the day before. She needed it specifically for a recipe she was making for visitors who were coming the next day. -you women know exactly where this story is headed! ;) She reminded him several times and even asked if she needed to write it down for him, making sure that he knew how important this was to get. He left, of course, without writing it down and reassured his wife that he would get her cream cheese for her, no problem. 

When he came home from doing the shopping he was so proud of himself. He waltzed in the door knowing that he had come through for his wife and done exactly what she needed of him. He went through his bags of purchased items, searching for the treasured proof of his love, and he pulled out....Parmesan Cheese and offered it to her beaming with a grin on his face...it was a gift, a token of his care, concern and love as a husband. He had come to her rescue, or so he thought! 

The wife, looked at the Parmesan Cheese and had to fight back ugly, criticizing and harsh thoughts. I mean after all she only asked him to pick up one thing for her, just one bloomin thing. She even offered to write it down. How could he have gotten this wrong? One block of cream cheese is requested and he brings back Parmesan!?!?!

As she applied this to my life it made so much sense. I hear love in a certain way and because of that I expect that specific love language to be spoken to me. I expect/demand almost,  to be loved the way that I hear love easiest, the way that my heart feels it easiest, the way that I understand it. I expect to be given cream cheese love. And so when I am brought a different kind of love, when someone shows Parmesan love or Mozerella or Pepper Jack, it doesn't register as love to me. 

I am now realizing that I need to readjust my taste buds to acquire a taste for Parmesan! :) 

This lil picture story made so much sense to me... how many times have I demanded the Lord love me a certain way and when He hasn't come through for me I throw my hands in the air and protest that He doesn't really care?! How many times have I only wanted blessings from Him and not wanted anything to do with Him at all?! How many times have I specifically asked for a fleece/sign/ or one certain way for Him to show me love and it seems as if He only shows me the very opposite of what I ask?! How many times have I questioned is it really love that He is showing me at all?! 

Cream Cheese or Parmesan?

I honestly feel like this world feeds us, no force feeds us these stories of happily ever after, and glorious comfortable happy fulfilling love. I feel like I've grown up falling for a lie of Cream Cheese love! I have expected God to love me in ways that make me happy, that make me comfortable, that bring a smile to my face now... and although He does that at times, it seems like much more often He offers me Parmesan love, a love that this world does not recognize as love at all. It seems like the exact opposite, it hurts, it's not fun, it's painful, it results in tears, it's grief, it seems like torture, but is it just that I am expecting one kind of love and getting another that is much better for me? 

What is God's love?

Is it what He gives me... blessings/curses?

Is it how my life is going... great/sucks?

Am I getting everything that I ask from Him? 

Is He alone enough for me?...whether I get cream or parmesan?

What is His Parmesan? suffering, hardships, trials, testings, discipline, distance...I'm not sure. This is something I'm still wading through, but it sure is something worth thinking about. Is God still genuinely loving me when He brings me Parmesan instead of Cream Cheese?

Hummmmmmmmmm...still pondering this one!!!

Family Fun @ Enid

:) TOASTED + SORE + EXHAUSTED = A FABULOUS WEEKEND AT ENID LAKE!!!
This past weekend I hung out with my favorite cousins at Enid Lake. We had such a blast! They have a small cabin there with boats, jet ski, wake board, pontoon boat, inter tubes & basically everything you could possibly want for a fun weekend at the lake. They are amazing! They've even built a pontoon boat that's 28' long with an upper deck, shaded area, long platform, etc... it's pretty much what I call the hiltoon (pontoon + hilton = hiltoon) on water!
I mean you just simply can't beat fun with family, especially at Enid, fun on the water, good cooking (thanks K), sweet times of fellowship (love you W!), fun with my cousins who I miss so much, holding my sweet new baby cousin C, chillin with Aunt D and Uncle R, and so tired and sore at the end that you wish you would've kept going so it all didn't have a chance to catch up with ya! :) Now that is some good fun!
The weekend fun started on the Hiltoon. Us girls stayed with the kiddos, just swimming, relaxing, jumping off the top balcony, and of course catching up and fellowshiping. The boys on the other hand were wake boarding, tubing and riding the jet ski. I think my whole family is part reptilian, because we are as happy as some fishies in the water...even the lil ones.
On the second day the girls got in some of the action. So 1st we went wake boarding. I'd never done this before, but surprisingly I popped up the first time...I was so excited...and then I busted after going ummm...about ten feet. I was so happy I got up that I didn't mind falling at all! Round 2, I popped right up again, I was like oh I got this now... hahaha! Uh, can we say face plant?!...in the water, Enid Lake up my nose, feet came out of the wake board, and I went kursplat! Then my cuz proceeds to inform me, after I face planted, that wake boarding is nothing like skiing. I wasn't turning the board long ways haha! I had my feet straight with the wake board sideways.... no wonder I took a nose dive. That's like trying to surf with your board going sideways...doesn't work! So the third time I was ready to go! and then it happened... my forearms snapped up like rubber bands. My hands felt like they went bungee jumping without my permission. I let go of that handle and thought I'm gonna die! Ah! ok that's over exaggerating just a lil bit. But it did hurt so much that I had to stop wake boarding. :( And today, I can't even open a bottle of water, because I can't grip tight enough. Ya never know how much you use a muscle until it's tight as a tic after a three day suck! haha!
So later on in the afternoon, after my forearms relaxed some... me and my sweet friend decided to tube together! This was the most fun thing the whole trip, besides holding my sweet new 2nd cousin C! We got out there on the water and were having the time of our lives, laughing, cuttin up, and carrying on. We stayed on...eh...most of the time. We drank half of Enid and skipped across the water the other times! Her husband, my cousin, flung us off that inter tube like you would flick a mosquito off your arm! But every time we busted we always came up cackling and laughing so hard we couldn't breathe, or either we were suckin in lake water and then laughing it out! It was a blast.... all fun and games until we realized we were frying under the cool cloud filled sky! We put on sunscreen, but clouds can be so deceiving. I wasn't hot and so felt like I wasn't burning, but oh was this fair skinned maiden ever wrong! Now, most all of us are crispy toasted critters and sore as anything, well, because we aren't spring chickens anymore. With the exception of a couple of us. haha! :) BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!! No pain no gain, right?!?! Or at least no fun in the meantime at Enid!!! :)
And because every enjoyable story needs a picture! Meet my sweet baby C! Isn't he precious! He smiled at cooed at me all weekend and snuggled with me for a short nap! I couldn't get enough of him...

And meet lil C's momma, my sweet best friend and partner in crime...before we became roasty toasty burnt crispy fritters! I love my family! :)

When Daddy Calls

For the past 3 weeks we have enjoyed watching baby bluebirds in their home on my back yard fence. Momma and daddy B come swooping in, chattering the whole time, with a bug in beak, and once they perch on the entrance to the house, those babies start squawking and fling their mouths wide open. It's been so much fun to watch em grow and change, not only in appearance, but their lil chirps have changed too. They've gotten louder, noisier, and seemingly more demanding :)
For the past couple days my momma has been intently watching the blue birds, because she had a hunch it was nearing time for the baby B's to take flight. Daddy researched it and discovered that the daddy B teaches the babies how to fly. So we've been watching intently until....
Yesterday as I sat on my back porch reading, watching daddy B swoop back and forth with food in beak. He fed the babies, then lit on the fence beside their home. He called to them in a pretty whistle that I had never heard him use before. This caught my attention, because as he called, the baby B's started practically jumping up and down in their home. He did this two more times and on the third time, daddy B whistled and baby B1 fluttered and plopped right out of the house into the grass. I gasped and ran to call momma, she was just around the corner, so she came flying into the house and we both watched in amazement as daddy B called baby B2 out...Plop, into the grass.
They are the cutest lil birds you've ever seen. One still has lil fuzzy baby bird fir and cute lil brown specks on his chest. They both sat in the grass fluttering their wings, learning to hop around, using muscles they've never used before. Daddy B swooped down above their heads, occasionally bringing them a bug and would take flight to the fence right above them, never too far away. He was teaching them how to use their wing things. They hopped around all afternoon and were still hopping and fluttering this morning, as they couldn't make it back into their home again.
As I think about the baby B's, I can't help but relate the story to us. It's so obvious watching the baby Bs that God's hand is in His creation and then it hit me.... I am His creation too. No, I don't have new wing things to learn how to use, or do I?
It was an amazing sight watching daddy B call his lil babies out of their comfortable 4 walled home. They didn't come out with the 1st call. It took him 3-4 pretty whistles to get them out. I couldn't help but think of how God beckons to me, His child, "follow me, trust me, come after me". I began to think of how they abandoned the comfort and safety of those 4 walls to plop in the grass in my backyard, where they had no clue what was below (rocks, other birds, fire ants, cats, dogs, etc.). They trusted the call of daddy B knowing that he knew best. Do I trust Jesus when He calls to me? Do I wrecklessly abandon my own comfort and plop into His will trusting His timing and plan? They plopped out of that house into a really big new world and trusted that daddy B would be close by as they figured out all this new stuff and got the hang of things. Do I trust that God will go with me when He calls me to hard, new things? Do I rely on His faithfulness that He will never leave me alone? It is taking them a while to learn how to use their wings. They had to endure a whole night out of their home, stuck on the ground, in the dark. I bet anything they wanted back in their comfy 4 walled home, where they could snuggle together and food arrived at their door about every 30 minutes. How often, in the valleys of the dark nights of my life do I long for the comfort of protection and control? Is my desire more for security and comfort or am I willing to give up my comforts, take risks, face danger, and possibly learn how to fly.
Holding to Jesus alone in the darkness of uncertainty, through the troubles and pains of this world is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It takes obedient trust and faith, which I have to admit I don't have most of the time. All I can lean on and say is praise God I heard Daddy call to me. I have heard His voice say, "this one is Mine". He has called me by name before the beginning of time, and so I am comforted to know that my name is inscribed on the palm of His hands, nothing can undo that and He will always be close by walking with me through this brief vapor of life's night. Lord, Jesus Christ, help my unbelief!?!

Happiness

At this point in my life, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING seems to be pointing me past the goods things that God gives, or doesn't give, to simply just God. Sunday school started today on God is the Gospel, not the good things He gives, not the heaven we look forward to, free of sickness, sin and pain. It's Him, He'll be there, that's the hope of Heaven. Books that I've read, The Prodigal God, Shattered Dreams, When People Are Big and God Is Small. Events, situations, stuff that happens, basically life.... I'm telling you, EVERYTHING is directing me down this straight and narrow path lately. It's good, it's really good, but it's a hard path, and it's not one that this rebellious, stiff necked Israelite child walks down willingly or easily. 

Just to share, this is a song that I really like right now that also points past happiness in this life to Something much bigger, Someone much more... is He enough for me, just Him alone, or do I only want to settle for the things/2ndary pleasures/happinesses that He can give me? But what happens when the temporary happiness that I want so much is withheld? Then what? What is it that I really want/need?... to be happy right now, to feel good now, to be able to wear a smile immediately, or to be able to see past this happiness, this life, even these sorrows, and see Him...see that no matter what I am, what I have, what I don't have.... in all these things...He is worth it all?!?! This is a lot harder question than it seems.... or maybe it's just me and my stubborn rebellious self.... Anyways... yeh... the song...haha!

Happiness was just outside my window

I thought it'd crash bowing 80 miles an hour

But happiness is a little more like knocking

On your door, you just let it in. 

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow

Let it be, you can't make it come or go

But you are gone, not for good but for now

And gone for now feels a lot like gone for good. 

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard

Happiness was never meant to hold

Careful child, light the fuse and get away

Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks. 

Happiness damn near destroys you

Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor

So you tell yourself that's enough for now

But Happiness has a violent roar. 

Happiness it's like the old man told me

Look for it and you'll never find it all

But let it go, live your life and leave it

Then one day you'll wake up and 

He'll be home. 

- The Fray

Small Joys in Life

It has been obvious to me lately that God gives me small joys in this hard life that bring a smile to my face. Of course these small gifts are different for everyone, and they also change from one season of life to the next. At this point in my life, I just wanted to share a few of the small good gifts that God gives me, that make my heart smile.  

#1 My sweet babies, with another on the way! Their smiles & laughter light up my days and bring joy in hard times. They are precious adorable blessings to my heart and soul! Thank you God for W & R & Butter Bean... it doesn't get much better than having an absolutely adorable niece and two precious nephews!
#2 hehe, I have a shoe fetish! Therefore, these amazing, cute, comfortable, classy stilettos make me smile. I just have to say they were regular $119 and I so got them for $24. Yeh, I love these shoes! :)
Aren't they just fabulous?!?! I know, I know, I'm such a froo girl now! haha! What happened to me?! Eh, no worries, I still have the camo and guns in the closet! hehe.... My personality is just like a jewel, there are many different facets of me.... just depends on how the light is shining. ;)
#3 My shoe fetish again! :) These cute peep toe pumps have my favorite colors in them! Yes, once again, I love love love shoes, and so these just make a smile come across my face when I slip my foot into em! 
#4 I love my friends. God has truly blessed me in this season of life with a handful of some of the most precious, deep, honest, real friends... ones that I can be myself with and that love me just for who I am... yes, all the glorious mess of me! And I love to get random text & phone calls from them! Precious priceless gifts from the Lord they are!
#5 Coffee... haha, my drug of choice. :) My thoughtful 2nd momma, Mama Bess recently gave me a big coffee maker. I love it! My favorite part about it...the dispenser. There is no pot! You just hold your cup up, press the button & it overfloweth with some yummy caffeine! haha! Thank you Mama Bess!
#6 I love communicating... someone once said that our family 'over-communicates', which I don't see as a bad thing. I mean there has to be communication to have a relationship. And so I love communicating with my friends & family. A surprise email from a friend just lights up my day! And praise God for technology/communication....it's such a blessing when my parents are on the mission field. Thank you God!

#7 Photography & Art! I would have put a picture, but I can't take a picture of my camera, haha, cause it's in my hands! :) I love my camera, my new lens, and just capturing life as it spontaneously happens. I also love to paint in watercolor. God has given me the gift of being Artsy Fartsy and I love to use it to bless others! It's like sweet sugar to my soul! 

Thank you Lord for the small, sweet, overwhelming joys in this phase of my life! You are good! 

Harlotry/Worship

Wow! Below I have posted a link from a devotional post of Mrs. Upsidedown B's. It is absolutely amazing, and yet so sad how we miss the mark in worshipping God! I have seen so many times people trying to create the feeling, set the mood, show the example of what worship is to look like. Is worship only for Sundays; the display of song in the front of the church? What is worship?! Check out this deep view.....thank you so much Mrs. Belinda for sharing.

http://upsidedownbee.blogspot.com/2009/07/worship.html

Worship = Living every second of each day in the presence of, and before the face of the Living God..... Coram Deo. :)

FINALLY Healthy

Ok, I have to share some fun excitement today!!!

For several, eh, really for a long time now, I have enjoyed exercising. Ok, wait... let me start over. My passion for exercising and I have a love/hate relationship! ha! That's more honest. For years I have exercised to stay in shape & enjoyed it, but I have never been able to be consistent with it.

Over the past several years, exercising & eating have been a big battle for me. As I have struggled off and on with an eating disorder, it's been hard to find what works for me, yet is healthy at the same time. Oh, I know what works, giving the quickest results, but it's not good for my body. So usually I go round and round in circles. Mostly I've tried exercising after work which consists of running/walking/P90X. I hate this, because it eats up my 'down' time and my time to be with friends and family. Also the timing after work is just awful, because sometimes I have things to do after work, so exercise is the first thing to go right out the window... which in return does not set well in my mind, so then that screws up my eating for the next day. And when exercise is absent for 3-4 days in a row... well then let's just say that eating disorder is more of a screaming monster instead of a passing distant thought.

So, for about 3 months I've been trying to find my niche doing P90X, which I love, and also walking/running, yes, all after work. Needless to say this routine only works if I don't have plans for the night, so yeh, it hasn't worked out well for me.

So this week I decided to try a new system. And I am so excited because it's working!!!! AH!!! :) I'm on my 5th day & each day I am seeing progress, and seeing that I am getting healthier and healthier. So I wake up and walk/run 3.5 miles before work. Yes I know it sounds like physical torture, but it's actually been energizing, and trust me the torture is a lot worse when it's in my head. Also running in the morning has sooo many + for me! It's cooler, it's quiet, I can see the stars & my fav, I get to watch the sunrise every morning. Love it! It's kinda my me time before the day begins. It also makes me hungrier, which means I eat more. Yay! Also it sets my mind right, wanting to eat healthier the rest of the day, because I've exercised already & don't want to undo what I've done. ha! Also some nights, if I don't have anything going on, I do P90X after work. It's a great release after sitting down for most of the day at work.

I am sooooo excited about FINALLY finding an exercise routine that works for me! I have spent years trying to be consistent & find out what works! Woohoo! And 28 years later, I've got it! ha! Consistent healthiness here I come! Anyways, before I start rambling, I just wanted to share my joy in becoming a more consistent, healthy woman, the right way!

And of course what's a post without a picture! These are my amazing shoes that carry me from my soft comfortable bed to running on clouds! haha! Aren't they pretty!?! :)