Sometimes lyrics can say it better...
"My God how can it be, that You would love someone like me?
Just a sinner in a saint's disguise, but You've opened up my eyes...
and now I realize:
Your Love is better than life, Your Love is deeper than the seas,
more beautiful than any of the things surrounding me.
You are everything I need, and more than I desire,
Your Love is better than life, Your Love is better than life.
It takes my breath away, to think of the mistakes I've made,
and know that You have washed me clean, that You're still at work in me...
Oh this is why I sing:
Your Love is better than life, Your love is deeper than the seas,
more beautiful than any of the things surrounding me.
You are everything I need, and more than I desire,
Your Love is better than life, Your Love is better than life.
Better than a smile, better than a kiss, better than any of the things I think I'll miss.
Your Love is better than life, deeper than the seas,
more beautiful than any of the things surrounding me.
You are everything I need, and more than I desire,
Your Love is better than life, Your Love is better than life.
Better than life."
- Trevor Morgan
Wonderlight
Friday, October 31, 2008
Bring The Rain
As I post this song, I have to remember it is just that...a song, because I do struggle, I do question, but by the grace of God I remain His. He holds me by His Righteous Right Hand, and whatever He brings, He promises to use for His glory and honor. He never wastes anything!
"I can count a million times people asking me why I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You?
Maybe since my life has changed, long before these rainy days it's never really ever crossed my mind, to turn my back on you O Lord, my only shelter through the storm but instead I draw closer through this time.
So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory! And I know there'll be days that this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You... Jesus bring the rain!
I am Yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above, because You are much greater than the pain. You who made a way for me, suffering Your destiny, so tell me, what's a little rain?
So I pray: Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory! And I know there'll be days that this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You... Jesus bring the rain!
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
And I forever sing:
Holy, Holy Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
Everybody's singing:
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
You are Holy, You are Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty!
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!!"
- Mercy Me
Coming Up To Breathe
"The Lord whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, and yells to us in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis
"I can count a million times people asking me why I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You?
Maybe since my life has changed, long before these rainy days it's never really ever crossed my mind, to turn my back on you O Lord, my only shelter through the storm but instead I draw closer through this time.
So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory! And I know there'll be days that this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You... Jesus bring the rain!
I am Yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above, because You are much greater than the pain. You who made a way for me, suffering Your destiny, so tell me, what's a little rain?
So I pray: Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory! And I know there'll be days that this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You... Jesus bring the rain!
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
And I forever sing:
Holy, Holy Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
Everybody's singing:
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!
You are Holy, You are Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty!
Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God Almighty, is the LORD God Almighty!!"
- Mercy Me
Coming Up To Breathe
"The Lord whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, and yells to us in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis
Move in Me
I'm not feeling anything,
my body's numb from my heart down,
I need what only You can bring,
cause nothing else can turn me back around.
Chorus:
And its more than I can bear!
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what You'll find,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remains
I need you to move in me!
I don't like what I've become,
I don't recognize the man they see.
Its gotten easier to run,
than to take a look inside of me.
But it's more than I can bear!
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what youll find,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remians
I need you to move in me,
move in me!
Give me peace that passes everything,
give me joy I can't explain
fill me with the Love that never fails
and gently call my name.
Turn the pages of my mind,
and move in me....
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what You'll fine,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remains,
I need You to move in me.
- Trevor Morgan
Wonderlight
my body's numb from my heart down,
I need what only You can bring,
cause nothing else can turn me back around.
Chorus:
And its more than I can bear!
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what You'll find,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remains
I need you to move in me!
I don't like what I've become,
I don't recognize the man they see.
Its gotten easier to run,
than to take a look inside of me.
But it's more than I can bear!
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what youll find,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remians
I need you to move in me,
move in me!
Give me peace that passes everything,
give me joy I can't explain
fill me with the Love that never fails
and gently call my name.
Turn the pages of my mind,
and move in me....
Turn the pages of my mind,
I'm not sure what You'll fine,
but I need You to move in me!
Shoot Your healing through my veins,
strip away the old remains,
I need You to move in me.
- Trevor Morgan
Wonderlight
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Everlasting God
One thing I know that I have found,
through all the troubles that surround,
You are the Rock that never fails,
You never fail!
One thing I know that I believe,
through every blessing I receive,
You are the only One that stays,
You always stay!
You never change,
You're still the same,
You are the Everlasting God!
You will remain,
after the day is gone,
and things of Earth have past...
Everlasting God!
- Ross Parsley
through all the troubles that surround,
You are the Rock that never fails,
You never fail!
One thing I know that I believe,
through every blessing I receive,
You are the only One that stays,
You always stay!
You never change,
You're still the same,
You are the Everlasting God!
You will remain,
after the day is gone,
and things of Earth have past...
Everlasting God!
- Ross Parsley
Hiding Place
I have found myself a hiding place,
I have found myself a secret space,
in the shelter of Almighty's love,
in the safety of the Savior's arms...
Chorus:
I will run to the Hiding Place,
I will run to the Hiding Place,
draw me ever closer to look upon Your face,
I will run to the Hiding Place.
I have found myself a hiding place,
I have found myself a secret space,
in the refuge of the Father's care,
in the cleansing blood of Jesus there...
Repeat Chorus.
Though my fears may overwhelm me,
and troubles they surround.
Though the wind rise up to take me,
my Hiding Place is already found!
I have found myself a Hiding Place,
I have found myself a secret space,
in the shelter of Almighty's love,
in the safety of the Savior's arms...
Oh! to look upon Your face!
I will run to the Hiding Place!
- Ross Parsley
I have found myself a secret space,
in the shelter of Almighty's love,
in the safety of the Savior's arms...
Chorus:
I will run to the Hiding Place,
I will run to the Hiding Place,
draw me ever closer to look upon Your face,
I will run to the Hiding Place.
I have found myself a hiding place,
I have found myself a secret space,
in the refuge of the Father's care,
in the cleansing blood of Jesus there...
Repeat Chorus.
Though my fears may overwhelm me,
and troubles they surround.
Though the wind rise up to take me,
my Hiding Place is already found!
I have found myself a Hiding Place,
I have found myself a secret space,
in the shelter of Almighty's love,
in the safety of the Savior's arms...
Oh! to look upon Your face!
I will run to the Hiding Place!
- Ross Parsley
Monday, October 27, 2008
Extravagant Love
Today I am still reflecting on yesterday and standing in awe at how God's love continues to amaze me! It shouldn't but in my feeble human mind it does! I mean I can constantly look back and know that He gave His One and Only Son for me, there is no greater love! Yet, it's during the day to day, ins and outs of life, the trial and testing times that my vision is scewed, doubts are raised in my heart, my focus is diverted from Him so easily. It seems so easy to get wrapped up in the things of this world and suddenly His love doesn't seem so amazing. Praise the Lord He is a jealous God and He never lets my blurred vision and feeble doubting heart keep me from seeing His amazing love.
He is so faithful and His love endures forever! His mercies and loving kindness are new every morning!
As I got ready for Church yesterday I knew it was going to be one of those knock down drag outs with the Lord. There is something about coming into His presence, in His church, in worship, and Him dealing with my heart face to face. He does that daily, but worship on Sundays can sometimes be a much needed TKO punch!.... so I wore waterproof mascara, I knew better than to attempt to hold it in on this Sunday.
I had gone all week after that victory and sunk right back into the beginning of my cycle. As one of my favorite songs says, "I felt numb from my heart down." I couldn't find any love, any feeling remotely close to that toward the Lord.
A lot had gone on the week before, including the Lord's blessing of bringing the much needed remaining 10% of my parents' support. They are at 100% which is a huge answer to prayer, but it was a bitter sweet answer as I so want them in the Lord's will and doing His kingdom work, and yet want them close by me too :( I'm a momma's and a daddy's girl! So things were piling up on me, and I had not brought my heart to the Lord to lay it bare before Him and let Him heal and work.
That Sunday morning, I can't remember much of what was said in Sunday school, but on the way to the Church service a dear friend came up and said her husband wasn't there, would I want to sit with her... this was the first of many ways that the LORD lavished His love on me this day. It was so encouraging, because with the thought of my parents leaving, there is an instilled deep fear that I have of being alone. No, they won't be gone forever, and I will still be able to communicate with them, but it will be a drastic change and it will be hard adjustment. So one of my big prayers has been that the Lord would raise us a support, family, friends, around me to help lighten the load a little.
The Lord answered that prayer in full yesterday!
After sitting and talking with my sweet friend, we began worshiping, and we sang some of the most beautiful songs, one being How Great Thou Art. I love that song, but it broke my heart that I couldn't find it in me to sing the words, I would have only been going through the motions, I forced myself to sing most of the words, because I knew it was a battle of my flesh, and I so wanted to to be humbled before the Lord and be whole heartedly in love with the LORD, my Creator, Savior, Redeemer and Friend.
When we got to the verse of... "And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin.".... the words struck deep. He is worth it all... look at what He gave for me! And the tears flowed. I cried so much that morning that my sweet friend gave me the only tissue she had, but it wasn't catching it all. And so the family next to me got me a whole handful of tissues for me. She put her arm around me as we read the Old Testament scripture that pierced deep.
At each point of the day the Lord was showing me just how much He loved me and how He was going to be my sufficiency and my All in All. He was answering my prayers and showering me with much needed love and encouragement.
The sermon was amazing!, and it was just what my heart needed to hear. The last point discussed how if we truly love the Lord and have a heart for His Gospel that we should expect suffering to come, even as Paul was writing the letter from prison. It put everything back into perspective for me.
After church and many many more tears I was confident that my mascara was not smudged :) but I couldn't get my chin to stop quivering!
The intern came down and shook my hand, and asked if I was ok, haha! after seeing a sobbing, bawling woman just in front of the pulpit. He expressed that he would be praying for me. God was meeting me at every turn!
Then I went to hug another friend and she asked if I had lunch plans and I just lost it. Through tears I said no, but I don't think I'll be very good company today. Her words were simple... "that's ok, I would love to listen." It was music to my ears. Another friend got my number, and another sweet girl invited me for lunch next Sunday. God was lavishing extravagantly!
I had a wonderful lunch and felt the Lord's love and grace flowing over my every move, my every breath was filled with the extravagant love from the LORD!
When I got home His lavishing continued. I actually had the desire to paint for once in a long long time. Somewhere along the road my painting became more like therapy, the way I get things out, the way I release emotions and thoughts to the Lord, and so with that I have stayed away from painting for a long time, I think because therapy can be so painful sometimes. But the LORD was at work and I painted four pictures that afternoon!
I sat out in the sun and soaked up the Lord's warmth and His rays of love all afternoon.
I have Gerber Daisies at the front of my house and they have been blooming non stop! Even in the cold, I know the Lord has been doing this for me! They are my favorite flower.
I walked out there to look at them and take some pictures of them and I promise one of my orange ones was in the shape of a heart. The petals had bloomed and formed in the shape of a heart. Well, I lost it again. :)
God was going to extreme and extravagant measures to show me how much He loves me and how He will care for my every need!
Later on that night I noticed a Liberty Baptist Church bus come down my cove. I thought that was unusual, but just figured they might be doing a neighborhood blitz for their reformation party like my church will do on Wednesday. So a lil 12 yr. old boy came and hung something on my front door. I didn't get up to see what it was until I went to close all my blinds.
I opened the door and got the ziplock bag off the handle thinking, hummm what kind of candy is this going to be?
It wasn't candy at all! It was the LORD's visible love for me again! It was a 9 volt battery! Now let me explain, cause yall are going what the mess!?! ha! My smoke detector in my room woke me up about a month and a half ago because the battery was about dead. So I took it out and the battery cover has been flung open and the dead battery on my dresser ever since. I haven't had the money or time to get another battery, they are expensive ya know.
So needless to say I was shocked speechless. There were two cards in the with the new battery. One said "Discover God's Love and Forgiveness" - I kid you not! And the other said "use this battery for your smoke detector!" I was shocked!
I start blubbering, blabbering and crying at the top of my lungs..... I LOVE YOU LORD, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!!! I KNOW, I BELIEVE, HELP MY UNBELIEF, OH GOD, I LOVE YOU! JESUS CHRIST HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL, I LOVE YOU!
About that time mom and dad called and said they wanted to come eat supper with me. Mom caught the tail end of the tears and they were there within 30 minutes. It was just what I needed to end my day.
My God is soooooooooo good!
He provides in ways that I could never ask, would ever believe or imagine!
His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love are severe and yet extravagant at the same time!
He will satisfy my every longing, need, and desire, even on my most numb days!
He will never let me go, never leave me, nor forsake me.
He remains faithful to His promises and will continue to love me all the way to glory!
Praise the LORD Jesus Christ on High that He cares, He loves, He is intimate with His children. He seeks me out and never once leaves me in my broken, distant unbelief!
He is the gracious and amazing Hound of Heaven!
Daily I can hear those steps pounding behind me, as my heart wanders...He steadily pursues me to capture my heart once again!
Praise God Almighty for His unfailing extravagant all-satisfying love!
What an amazing Savior!
He is so faithful and His love endures forever! His mercies and loving kindness are new every morning!
As I got ready for Church yesterday I knew it was going to be one of those knock down drag outs with the Lord. There is something about coming into His presence, in His church, in worship, and Him dealing with my heart face to face. He does that daily, but worship on Sundays can sometimes be a much needed TKO punch!.... so I wore waterproof mascara, I knew better than to attempt to hold it in on this Sunday.
I had gone all week after that victory and sunk right back into the beginning of my cycle. As one of my favorite songs says, "I felt numb from my heart down." I couldn't find any love, any feeling remotely close to that toward the Lord.
A lot had gone on the week before, including the Lord's blessing of bringing the much needed remaining 10% of my parents' support. They are at 100% which is a huge answer to prayer, but it was a bitter sweet answer as I so want them in the Lord's will and doing His kingdom work, and yet want them close by me too :( I'm a momma's and a daddy's girl! So things were piling up on me, and I had not brought my heart to the Lord to lay it bare before Him and let Him heal and work.
That Sunday morning, I can't remember much of what was said in Sunday school, but on the way to the Church service a dear friend came up and said her husband wasn't there, would I want to sit with her... this was the first of many ways that the LORD lavished His love on me this day. It was so encouraging, because with the thought of my parents leaving, there is an instilled deep fear that I have of being alone. No, they won't be gone forever, and I will still be able to communicate with them, but it will be a drastic change and it will be hard adjustment. So one of my big prayers has been that the Lord would raise us a support, family, friends, around me to help lighten the load a little.
The Lord answered that prayer in full yesterday!
After sitting and talking with my sweet friend, we began worshiping, and we sang some of the most beautiful songs, one being How Great Thou Art. I love that song, but it broke my heart that I couldn't find it in me to sing the words, I would have only been going through the motions, I forced myself to sing most of the words, because I knew it was a battle of my flesh, and I so wanted to to be humbled before the Lord and be whole heartedly in love with the LORD, my Creator, Savior, Redeemer and Friend.
When we got to the verse of... "And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin.".... the words struck deep. He is worth it all... look at what He gave for me! And the tears flowed. I cried so much that morning that my sweet friend gave me the only tissue she had, but it wasn't catching it all. And so the family next to me got me a whole handful of tissues for me. She put her arm around me as we read the Old Testament scripture that pierced deep.
At each point of the day the Lord was showing me just how much He loved me and how He was going to be my sufficiency and my All in All. He was answering my prayers and showering me with much needed love and encouragement.
The sermon was amazing!, and it was just what my heart needed to hear. The last point discussed how if we truly love the Lord and have a heart for His Gospel that we should expect suffering to come, even as Paul was writing the letter from prison. It put everything back into perspective for me.
After church and many many more tears I was confident that my mascara was not smudged :) but I couldn't get my chin to stop quivering!
The intern came down and shook my hand, and asked if I was ok, haha! after seeing a sobbing, bawling woman just in front of the pulpit. He expressed that he would be praying for me. God was meeting me at every turn!
Then I went to hug another friend and she asked if I had lunch plans and I just lost it. Through tears I said no, but I don't think I'll be very good company today. Her words were simple... "that's ok, I would love to listen." It was music to my ears. Another friend got my number, and another sweet girl invited me for lunch next Sunday. God was lavishing extravagantly!
I had a wonderful lunch and felt the Lord's love and grace flowing over my every move, my every breath was filled with the extravagant love from the LORD!
When I got home His lavishing continued. I actually had the desire to paint for once in a long long time. Somewhere along the road my painting became more like therapy, the way I get things out, the way I release emotions and thoughts to the Lord, and so with that I have stayed away from painting for a long time, I think because therapy can be so painful sometimes. But the LORD was at work and I painted four pictures that afternoon!
I sat out in the sun and soaked up the Lord's warmth and His rays of love all afternoon.
I have Gerber Daisies at the front of my house and they have been blooming non stop! Even in the cold, I know the Lord has been doing this for me! They are my favorite flower.
I walked out there to look at them and take some pictures of them and I promise one of my orange ones was in the shape of a heart. The petals had bloomed and formed in the shape of a heart. Well, I lost it again. :)
God was going to extreme and extravagant measures to show me how much He loves me and how He will care for my every need!
Later on that night I noticed a Liberty Baptist Church bus come down my cove. I thought that was unusual, but just figured they might be doing a neighborhood blitz for their reformation party like my church will do on Wednesday. So a lil 12 yr. old boy came and hung something on my front door. I didn't get up to see what it was until I went to close all my blinds.
I opened the door and got the ziplock bag off the handle thinking, hummm what kind of candy is this going to be?
It wasn't candy at all! It was the LORD's visible love for me again! It was a 9 volt battery! Now let me explain, cause yall are going what the mess!?! ha! My smoke detector in my room woke me up about a month and a half ago because the battery was about dead. So I took it out and the battery cover has been flung open and the dead battery on my dresser ever since. I haven't had the money or time to get another battery, they are expensive ya know.
So needless to say I was shocked speechless. There were two cards in the with the new battery. One said "Discover God's Love and Forgiveness" - I kid you not! And the other said "use this battery for your smoke detector!" I was shocked!
I start blubbering, blabbering and crying at the top of my lungs..... I LOVE YOU LORD, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!!! I KNOW, I BELIEVE, HELP MY UNBELIEF, OH GOD, I LOVE YOU! JESUS CHRIST HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL, I LOVE YOU!
About that time mom and dad called and said they wanted to come eat supper with me. Mom caught the tail end of the tears and they were there within 30 minutes. It was just what I needed to end my day.
My God is soooooooooo good!
He provides in ways that I could never ask, would ever believe or imagine!
His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love are severe and yet extravagant at the same time!
He will satisfy my every longing, need, and desire, even on my most numb days!
He will never let me go, never leave me, nor forsake me.
He remains faithful to His promises and will continue to love me all the way to glory!
Praise the LORD Jesus Christ on High that He cares, He loves, He is intimate with His children. He seeks me out and never once leaves me in my broken, distant unbelief!
He is the gracious and amazing Hound of Heaven!
Daily I can hear those steps pounding behind me, as my heart wanders...He steadily pursues me to capture my heart once again!
Praise God Almighty for His unfailing extravagant all-satisfying love!
What an amazing Savior!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Fireworks
Recently I went on a first date with a really nice guy. I had been out of the whole dating scene for a while and so I was pretty nervous. It went well, but afterward I was kinda disappointed because there didn't seem to be any "fireworks" for me.
After much thought and pondering I figured out what was wrong, and then today God showed me something amazing!
I figured out that my expectations were way way way too high! I mean where did I get those silly expectations of smooth flowing conversation, of being so calm, of being able to tell a persons heart the first time meeting them haha!.... I realized it was from those blasted chic flicks that I watch all the time! Ugh! Those things make us think that Romeo is going to come rescue us on a white horse and we're going to fall in love and live happily ever after! Gag me!!!!! :)
Well after the first date and after time to think through things, I was very very thankful that there weren't fireworks. I mean after all the Lord does know my heart and my proneness to wander. And so I couldn't help but think that the Lord was keeping it "fireworkless" for me and my 'Gomer" heart! How sweet of Him, because He knew that if there were big booming, bright, dazzling fireworks, my heart would once again be swept away by a temporal feeling and leave my first love.
So today while I was on my way home from work, I was singing and praising the Lord after a hard earned victory over Satan and my flesh. I was singing with all my heart of how much I love the Lord and how there is no one above him... Hillsong has such good songs!
As I was going down the road, belting out a love song... He thought it was pretty, but if anyone woulda been in the car with me they would have been clawing to get out! hahaha!
All of the sudden in mid-song... I looked up at the sun... it was so amazing! A jet had recently flown by I guess and there was a swirl trail of smoke from the jet that passed straight up under the sun. IT LOOKED JUST LIKE A BIG OL FIRECRACKER HAD GONE OFF! I mean one of those big, shake the earth, dazzling, bright, booming ones! It was fireworks of the best kind, from my first Love! It even extended out to where a rainbow was reflecting on a nearby cloud! It was soooo cool to see that in the sky... it probably only meant something to me, but boy did it mean something! The Lover of my soul was taking time to romance my heart and woo me once again to His side! It's truly amazing how the LORD God, Lover of our souls speaks to us when we slow down long enough to be still before Him.
Don't you just know how much He enjoys us when we as His children take great delight in Him. Dont' you think that just makes His heart swell with self-righteous, deserved, glory in Himself! I love it! He is soooooooooo good and so awesome!
I mean no other love on this earth is going to create fireworks like that! - I mean come on, who can outdo a firework sun with a cloud trail and a rainbow to top it off! :) He is the only Lover deserving of this heart!!!!! :)
He is perfect Love and He truly is enough!
Faith Under Fire
Have you ever felt like your faith was being tested or you were under unmistakable faith fire? And depending on what you did or how you reacted shaped the way your life reflected God and glorified Him?
This past weekend I had one of those firing squad, spiritual warfare, faith testing/proving times. Ugh! It was unmistakeable... I would have passed it by without a thought had the Lord not brought to my attention what exactly was going on.
A look back.....
In the past, over the years, I have struggled to have a consistent and dependent relationship with the Lord, no I'm not alone in this, but everyones is different. Mine has seemed to be almost cyclical. I walk with the Lord hand in hand, foot step in foot step, trusting and close enough to be as one, everything going great, like the mountain top experience... and then... something goes wrong. He has asks me to give up things, or do something hard, or just demands my whole heart at times. This does not set well with me, and my horrible sinfulness! And each time one of those crossroads appeared in our relationship, I would, like clock work, everytime, blame God for the hard time or hard test that I was going through, turn my back on Him, give Him the cold shoulder and seek His all consuming, satisfying love in places that I was never going to find it!
That has been the cycle of my rebellious 'Gomer' heart... sometimes when hard things come it just has seemed easier (at the moment) to not process the hard things, or weigh out my options, or dig deep and sift through my heart, but instead it's easier to block it out and settle for something that will make me feel better for the moment, and then once the anesthesia-like numbing wears off, it's back to feeling even worse about myself before the Lord. And then it still used to take God a long time to bring me back to repentance and humility to admit that I needed Him to work through a certain time. I know, I know, I'm thick headed!
Well this weekend I was faced with the crossroads again. On Saturday I had the whole day to come to God and bare my heart and soul to Him, but did I? No! I cleaned instead!!!!! Ya know! Order everything on the outside so hopefully the organization and cleanliness will seep in to your soul! ha! I cleaned until my house was spotless! It's amazing sometimes the lengths we will go to, trying every other remedy but the ONE we know will heal our hearts.
I knew I needed some good sleep for the Sunday to come and so I took a benadryl... and IT DIDN'T WORK! That is when I knew something was going on that I had not given time to think about. Spiritual warfare! So as I was getting ready on Sunday morning, I had some time to think and process and the Lord quieted my spirit before His throne.
He is sooooo gracious! Not only did He show me that I was trying to hide my heart from Him, not coming to Him with my soul... but He also revealed to me the cycle, and I was standing at the beginning of it.
I could see clearly the road that I always take, and I could see how that Saturday I had inched my way down that wrong path again. Then the Lord graciously brought me to His senses! I say His, becasue my senses are busted! :)
I had two options.... follow the easy cyclical path that I have taken for years, oh!, and I had every opportunity that day to follow that path.
Or I could look at who I am, what I am, what I am struggling with, and who I was struggling against. I was in the midst of fighting against years of cyclical behavior with the Lord. It was soooo very hard! I could feel the warfare in my heart, my nerves, my mind, I can't even explain how clear it was, how distinct the two paths were, how clear my options were.
And amazingly, this time, God gave me the grace to desire Him and relationship with Him above feeling good at the moment! That is huge! He gave me a desire to seek His face, to bring my heart to Him, lay it bare, and let Him soothe as only He can. I ain't gonna lie, it was like walking over fire... it was so hard to fight myself, my natural tendencies, my cycle, my routine...
It wasn't until I pulled out specific Scripture verses and fell on my face before God that I began to want to make the right choice this time. He gave me the desire for Him! and for Him alone!
Today I am basking in the glory of victory in Christ. The first time in years that I was able to see and seek the Love of my Savior as more valuable than any momentary pleasure or feeling! What an amazing feeling when you trample sin under your feet through the unmistakeable power of the Holy Spirit!
I just wish I lived for the Lord like that on a regular consistent basis! Oh, what the Devil would have to fear if I saw everything in this life pale in comparison to the love of the Lord like I did yesterday!
Praise God for a long awaited victory and a hard fought battle!
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
look full in His wonderful face...
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His glory and grace!"
Hallelujah what a Savior!
Just wanted yall to praise God with me for the victory that He won in my heart yesterday! :) He is good!
This past weekend I had one of those firing squad, spiritual warfare, faith testing/proving times. Ugh! It was unmistakeable... I would have passed it by without a thought had the Lord not brought to my attention what exactly was going on.
A look back.....
In the past, over the years, I have struggled to have a consistent and dependent relationship with the Lord, no I'm not alone in this, but everyones is different. Mine has seemed to be almost cyclical. I walk with the Lord hand in hand, foot step in foot step, trusting and close enough to be as one, everything going great, like the mountain top experience... and then... something goes wrong. He has asks me to give up things, or do something hard, or just demands my whole heart at times. This does not set well with me, and my horrible sinfulness! And each time one of those crossroads appeared in our relationship, I would, like clock work, everytime, blame God for the hard time or hard test that I was going through, turn my back on Him, give Him the cold shoulder and seek His all consuming, satisfying love in places that I was never going to find it!
That has been the cycle of my rebellious 'Gomer' heart... sometimes when hard things come it just has seemed easier (at the moment) to not process the hard things, or weigh out my options, or dig deep and sift through my heart, but instead it's easier to block it out and settle for something that will make me feel better for the moment, and then once the anesthesia-like numbing wears off, it's back to feeling even worse about myself before the Lord. And then it still used to take God a long time to bring me back to repentance and humility to admit that I needed Him to work through a certain time. I know, I know, I'm thick headed!
Well this weekend I was faced with the crossroads again. On Saturday I had the whole day to come to God and bare my heart and soul to Him, but did I? No! I cleaned instead!!!!! Ya know! Order everything on the outside so hopefully the organization and cleanliness will seep in to your soul! ha! I cleaned until my house was spotless! It's amazing sometimes the lengths we will go to, trying every other remedy but the ONE we know will heal our hearts.
I knew I needed some good sleep for the Sunday to come and so I took a benadryl... and IT DIDN'T WORK! That is when I knew something was going on that I had not given time to think about. Spiritual warfare! So as I was getting ready on Sunday morning, I had some time to think and process and the Lord quieted my spirit before His throne.
He is sooooo gracious! Not only did He show me that I was trying to hide my heart from Him, not coming to Him with my soul... but He also revealed to me the cycle, and I was standing at the beginning of it.
I could see clearly the road that I always take, and I could see how that Saturday I had inched my way down that wrong path again. Then the Lord graciously brought me to His senses! I say His, becasue my senses are busted! :)
I had two options.... follow the easy cyclical path that I have taken for years, oh!, and I had every opportunity that day to follow that path.
Or I could look at who I am, what I am, what I am struggling with, and who I was struggling against. I was in the midst of fighting against years of cyclical behavior with the Lord. It was soooo very hard! I could feel the warfare in my heart, my nerves, my mind, I can't even explain how clear it was, how distinct the two paths were, how clear my options were.
And amazingly, this time, God gave me the grace to desire Him and relationship with Him above feeling good at the moment! That is huge! He gave me a desire to seek His face, to bring my heart to Him, lay it bare, and let Him soothe as only He can. I ain't gonna lie, it was like walking over fire... it was so hard to fight myself, my natural tendencies, my cycle, my routine...
It wasn't until I pulled out specific Scripture verses and fell on my face before God that I began to want to make the right choice this time. He gave me the desire for Him! and for Him alone!
Today I am basking in the glory of victory in Christ. The first time in years that I was able to see and seek the Love of my Savior as more valuable than any momentary pleasure or feeling! What an amazing feeling when you trample sin under your feet through the unmistakeable power of the Holy Spirit!
I just wish I lived for the Lord like that on a regular consistent basis! Oh, what the Devil would have to fear if I saw everything in this life pale in comparison to the love of the Lord like I did yesterday!
Praise God for a long awaited victory and a hard fought battle!
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
look full in His wonderful face...
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His glory and grace!"
Hallelujah what a Savior!
Just wanted yall to praise God with me for the victory that He won in my heart yesterday! :) He is good!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Is He Enough?
I ask this question to myself almost daily, but sometimes it doesn't sink in through my thick head.
Is the LORD Jesus Christ enough?....
enough to satisfy all of my needs...
enough to quench my deepest desires...
enough to satisfy all my longings and groans of my heart...
enough to fulfill my dreams....
enough for my day to day walk in His salvation...
enough when things don't go my way...
enough when my dreams are shattered....
enough when hard times come...
enough even when He doesn't seem readily available.....
Is the LORD Jesus Christ enough for me to stake my entire existence on, my whole life, minute to minute?
He should be, but sadly most of the time He is not...
I praise His name that He is a forgiving God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
Praise His Name, He is enough!
Is the LORD Jesus Christ enough?....
enough to satisfy all of my needs...
enough to quench my deepest desires...
enough to satisfy all my longings and groans of my heart...
enough to fulfill my dreams....
enough for my day to day walk in His salvation...
enough when things don't go my way...
enough when my dreams are shattered....
enough when hard times come...
enough even when He doesn't seem readily available.....
Is the LORD Jesus Christ enough for me to stake my entire existence on, my whole life, minute to minute?
He should be, but sadly most of the time He is not...
I praise His name that He is a forgiving God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
Praise His Name, He is enough!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Introspection
Ugh! How long can I go sometimes without looking inward?! Obviously for a while.
I think that is what human nature lulls us to...
...drown out the pang of sin in my life
...cover over the messed up things that I think, do and say
...don't think about the LORD of all creation that loves me today
...don't see His glory and goodness that brings me to my knees in humility
...get busy and don't have time for God and His reality
...let your guard down by not protecting the treasure He has given me
...settle for the lull of sleep that the trinkets of this world seduce me into
...simply turn your "spiritual mind" off and don't waste time pondering God
...run from what makes me hurt, my sin and failures
...tune God out and I won't have to deal with it all
All of these things I think are battles that I face daily in my walk with God. Actually I think sometimes I stop walking, but praise His holy name that He holds me by the right hand and kinda drags me along sometimes.
He is so good to not leave me in my state of sinful humanity.
Here lately I have been thinking about what it means to be hidden in Christ.
And lately this has simply meant.... that His nature is in me, and therefore I live to glorify Him alone in all that I do by the Holy Spirit's power. Yeh, absolutely, I fail at this constantly! I don't know that I ever get it right, and that brings me back to being hidden in Him; He has died for my sins, and so when I fail and screw up.... all He asks is that I run to Him, having clear knowledge of my deep need of His cleansing blood and forgiving grace... when I come to Him to repent... He doesn't treat me as if He sees me, the horrible, wretched sinner, that will never get it right until glory. He treats me as He does His perfect and holy Son. He forgives me because my life is hidden in Christ.
Praise the LORD Most High for the grace that keeps me humbled at His feet, the love that will never fail me, and for Him.... who loved me enough to give His own Son to save me!
I think that is what human nature lulls us to...
...drown out the pang of sin in my life
...cover over the messed up things that I think, do and say
...don't think about the LORD of all creation that loves me today
...don't see His glory and goodness that brings me to my knees in humility
...get busy and don't have time for God and His reality
...let your guard down by not protecting the treasure He has given me
...settle for the lull of sleep that the trinkets of this world seduce me into
...simply turn your "spiritual mind" off and don't waste time pondering God
...run from what makes me hurt, my sin and failures
...tune God out and I won't have to deal with it all
All of these things I think are battles that I face daily in my walk with God. Actually I think sometimes I stop walking, but praise His holy name that He holds me by the right hand and kinda drags me along sometimes.
He is so good to not leave me in my state of sinful humanity.
Here lately I have been thinking about what it means to be hidden in Christ.
And lately this has simply meant.... that His nature is in me, and therefore I live to glorify Him alone in all that I do by the Holy Spirit's power. Yeh, absolutely, I fail at this constantly! I don't know that I ever get it right, and that brings me back to being hidden in Him; He has died for my sins, and so when I fail and screw up.... all He asks is that I run to Him, having clear knowledge of my deep need of His cleansing blood and forgiving grace... when I come to Him to repent... He doesn't treat me as if He sees me, the horrible, wretched sinner, that will never get it right until glory. He treats me as He does His perfect and holy Son. He forgives me because my life is hidden in Christ.
Praise the LORD Most High for the grace that keeps me humbled at His feet, the love that will never fail me, and for Him.... who loved me enough to give His own Son to save me!
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