Pedastools

This is just a short thought (well it started off short, haha!) that has been rolling around in my head for a couple days now, after I fell off my own pedastool, AGAIN.

God has recently shown me sin in my life again, and I have been convicted once again of how often I live my life deceived about my own self. So often I trick myself and set myself up on a pedastool before the watching world, and honestly before my own eyes.
Why do I do that? It's as if my sinful mind refuses to accept that it is truly depraved and therefore continues to trick myself into thinking that I really am not that bad off. Of course I don't realize this until after the topple usually, who does?
For the most part "I try" to be the good christian girl! And if you don't know me, then just let me tell you rather frankly that my efforts fall very severely short!
So in reality I am only deceiving myself in order to take a harder fall. Because honestly I can't completely deny my wretched sinfulness for very long. Although I will have to say my mind is the best when it comes to deceiving. But if I am in relationships and basically if I am breathing, then I inevitably am going to sin... hello! Lindsey wake up!!!
So this is my question... for myself really... why do I keep setting myself up in the deception of me being good, when all it gets me is a further ways to fall? I have thought of this just recently not only with me, but with people who are in the public eye as well... pastors, hollywood actors, politicians, etc....why are we so in shock when people sin? Is it because we (I know I have done this) have them set up so high in our minds, set up on their pedastools, that when (not if, but when) they sin they topple off and have further to fall back to reality. I guess I was thinking of this just last week, because I just love my pastor, and he is such an amazing preacher of the truth of the Gospel. He is faithful to always always preach the living Word. But I am always reminded, by him, from the pulpit, that he is a sinner just like the rest of us. He is constantly real with us and confesses sin and tells of his weaknesses, and lives in Christ power through his struggles.
So why don't I do that? Why don't I live real before others? Why don't I live through my weaknesses and let others see the power of Christ in me? Why don't I live as Christ sees me, when He sees more than I ever could. He knows my heart better than I ever will! He sees the sinner that I am and has rescued me and saved me inspite of me. So why do I keep trying to fool myself...obviously if the God of the universe knows my wicked heart and has saved me in love, then isn't it about time that I come to grips with who I am, and start living as though I am a sinner saved by grace?!
I pray that my pedastool stays below sea level where it belongs!