Great Is Thy Faithfulness...

I know I write a lot about God's faithfulness, but that is the attribute of His that stands out to me most these days, well really all the time; in the light of my unfaithfulness, His faithfulness means so much to me!
Over the years He has been nothing but faithful to me, even when my heart turns from him, even when I stray, when I rebel, when I wander like a sheep going my own way. He remains faithful, and always will until the day I die. Praise His Holy and Loving Name!
Today, I look back and I can see that God has been faithful to His children for thousands of generations. Not one of His, even His famous, children in the Bible remained faithful to the LORD.
"We all like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." - Isaiah 53:6
I have been comforted that I am not the only one in this world that struggles with a rebellious heart, it just looks different for others. We are each created in uniqueness, in the image of God, and we each rebel against the holy and perfect will of God in different ways.
Some question God's goodness and wisdom - like Adam and Eve
Some doubt & fear; taking things into their own hands from a lack of trust in God's will - like Abraham
Some wrestle with God openly - like Jacob
Some deceive and try to work their own will - like Rebekah and Joseph's brothers
Some doubt God's will and fear - like Moses
Some go after their will/fleshly desires - like David
Some just plain doubt - like Thomas
Some disown the LORD for a time - like Peter, and the rest of the disciples as they fled.
For me, it's a mixture of a lot of the saints that have gone before us.
This is tremendous relief for me, because for the longest time I thought I was the only Christian with this rebellious heart that did not seek after God at times in my life. This does not give me license to continue in my rebellion of course, but it does bring much comfort that I am normal, I am a normal rebellious sheep of the LORD!
That is why I am so thankful for the LORD's faithfulness, because I know my heart, I know my sin, I know my rebellion, but He knows it even deeper. He sees into the depths of my heart that I am blinded to, and yet He loves me still. He continues to work in me still.
As I look back from the other side of a wrestling match with God, He has shown me so much truth about Himself.
1. My anger against Him and His "seemingly hard" will is invalid and sin actually, because He is a holy, perfect, and righteous God that works only the good for His children... Just because it doesn't fit into my "plan of goodness"; that does not mean it's not His holy good.
2. God will withhold anything that will effect my relationship with Him... This was amazing to hear, and made things seem much more palitable. His desire is to transform me into the image of His Son, and in order to do that, sometimes things must get hard, uncomfortable, and difficult; with Him often stripping from me idols that I love in order to push me to dependence on Him and growth through Him.
3. He did not only come to rescue me, but to redeem me to the Father as well... this means that I will not always understand His plan and will. And I don't need to try and "make meaning" out of what He is doing. I don't have to ask why all the time, because He has a good and perfect will which He works in and through me for His glory and for my redemption... therefore, Lindsey, stubborn, lump of rebellious clay, trust Him!!!
4. Beholding Christ is the way we are changed... so He will remove anything that keeps me from beholding Christ in His fullness, glory, majesty, and His all sufficiency which has the power to satisfy every need, longing, and desire of my heart.
5. God is love..."but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us..." - Romans 5:8... God loves me, He loves me so much that He absorbed His own wrath for my sin, so that I could enjoy Him and His presence for the rest of eternity; and dare I say, that He could in return enjoy me, rebelliousness and all! He has loved me from the beginning of time, before I was even created. He had love in His heart for me before I even knew His Name, before I even desired Him. While I was "in my rebellion" he sent His Son to pay the price of my salvation and reconciliation to Him. He knows the rebellion of my heart, and He knows my feeble attempts to love Him in return, and He remains faithful.
He will continue to walk with me, and He promises to carry me to completion on the day of Christ Jesus. And because He is a faithful, covenantal God, He is not able to go back on His word, or His character. Therefore I can trust that He ALWAYS has my best interest in mind, He ALWAYS has my good at heart, no matter how difficult it may look from this side of heaven, He ALWAYS is working to make me more and more into the image of His Son, for His glory and by His grace!
So on this side, the broken, humble, dependent side of my rebellion, I lie waiting on the Potter's wheel, motionless and still, a lump of clay, awaiting his washing, cut, pounding, spinning, etc... awaiting His touch.
Oh that God would give me the surrendering heart of Mary and Jesus, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." Jesus himself came not to accomplish His own will, but only to do the will of His Father.
LORD God please give me the heart of a humble, still, surrendering servant, with only the desire to attend to Your will; as a bond servant, bought with Your precious blood, please take away my stubborn and rebellious will until there is only Yours that I desire to fulfill.