Renewing Communion

The LORD is so good to bring me just what I need, right when I need it most! He knows my heart far better than I ever will, and he loves me inspite of my wickedness, doubts, fears, disobedience, sins, etc, etc, etc.... this list could go on for days!

"O, God, stamp eternity on my eyeballs!" - Jonathan Edwards

He has done just that this weekend. I am so easily distracted, overwhelmed by life, and prone to wander from the LORD that I love. More often than I would like to admit the Lord has to use His sometimes severe mercy, and sometimes more gentle mercy to bring me back to to a true, humble, and loving dependence on Him. Praise God He does this! Praise God He holds me with His righteous right hand, because left up to me and my sinful heart, my vision blurs, I lose focus, I wander, no... stray, no... bolt and run the other way from Him, the Lover of my soul.
Sometimes life comes at me so fast that it is overwhelming. It feels like the storm-tossed sea that rolls and swells, sweeps and breaks over me as I struggle just to stay afloat.
It is amazing that how in those storms of my life, and in the calm as well, the Lord has always been there with me. He has always been there to protect me through each stage of life. It has not always been so clear and easy for me to see that. In fact at some points I was not looking for Him, I was not seeking Him for refuge, I know a lot of times I didn't seek Him as my strength, stability, Rock, and Shepherd, but this time He has given me grace and a desire to seek His face.
On Saturday He reminded me He loved me and that He was there. Sometimes it's not so easy to see that clearly. Sometimes everything in this world, everything that surrounds me, the sea that tosses in the storm of life, clouds my vision, and overwhelms, and I can't even FEEL that God is there, or that He is at work... oh but He is!
He simply showed me this by three things: the sunlight, the love of my mom and dad, and the beauty of His creation, and His WORD made flesh. We worked in my yard all day long on Saturday. It was a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky... and Jesus, "the Light of the world" (Jn. 8:12), was shining new light, life, and truth into my bones under that sun. He is the one that gives us light, and in order for us to grow we must live/walk in His light. It's an amazing feeling to turn your face toward the sun and soak in the Lord's light. So through out the day as I was just sometimes standing in the sun, my sweet daddy was digging, working, digging and digging more! They are so good to me! They have put my interest and my needs before their own many times, and loved me with a godly love. My dad worked himself silly digging new flower beds, and a fire pit in my back yard. And my momma was right there with him, digging, planting flowers, and playing in the dirt. :) God reminded me of His presence through their love. He also reminded me of His presence just through the beauty of His creation... the pansies, their beautiful colors and the fact that God himself takes the time to clothe the flowers of the field. "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matt. 6:30)
It was on Sunday that He renewed my desire again, fed me, brought me back to the beginning, and made my path straight with Him as my focus. It was communion Sunday and it always seems to come just at a time such as this, where I either need breaking of my sin, need strengthening, or just need to remember and feed on the body of Christ that He gave for me. Usually it's a combination of all of the above!
The sermon was from 1 Jn. 1:1-4... and it was an amazing message taking me all the way back to the beginning, all the way back to the fact, the TRUTH, that regardless of my feelings "...the Lord Jesus Christ himself, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of His Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made; Who, for me and for my salvation came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for me under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father..." (The Nicene Creed).... this is Jesus!!! who set aside His deity, taking on flesh for the purpose of saving me to glorify Himself! Amazing Grace!
I had felt earlier in the week, and might have even blogged it: "ya know I can always look back and see Jesus' sacrifice for me and know that He loves me, but it's in the day to day thick of it when I can't feel it sometimes."
Well this sermon and communion on Sunday blasted that lil feeling to smitherines! ha!
HE IS LIFE! Regardless of how I may feel, He is the reason why I live. He is the God that came to this earth to save me. He is God above every god that the prophets saw, touched, heard, walked with and have proclaimed to us in His Word. He is the one that we fellowship with daily. He is the One that has come, lived a perfect life, died my death, and rose again from the dead, defeating my sin, Satan and my death, so that I can rise and live with Him in eternity. He is the God that has made it to where I will never know a day without Him. He has given me the gift of His grace and mercy that I will never be without; even in my most rebellious times, God lavished His grace on me! Even on my hardest, darkest, unfeeling days, He is still God and has still loved me enough to die for me! Feeling or no feeling, this is TRUTH!
He is worth it all! He is worth every single ounce of my life, every minute of my day, every second of my thoughts!
O that God would continue to stamp eternity on my eyeballs! So that it is not this life that I live for, but the next. There is no ruler, power, authority, tradition, spirit, or being that I live for on this earth other than the Lord Jesus Christ!
HE IS EVERYTHING! And when He takes me by the chin and turns my head, face, and eyes to look full in Him, everything really does grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!
Oh God firmly hold my chin, hold my gaze fast on You and none other!
Let everything else fall away so that ALL I see is You, Your love, Your death, Your grace, Your cross, Your will, Your light, and Your life!
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on my soul! Hold my gaze!