Severe Mercy of a Faithful God

Do you ever feel like God is trying to get your attention?
Do you ever feel like He is trying to make Himself your everything, your only dependence?
Do you ever feel like the hard things that come in life, He has filtered through His fingers for a purpose?

I think this has been an ongoing lesson in my life with the Lord. I have determined that I am one of His SPED children (Special Education). The Lord seems to have to go to great lengths, drastic measures, severeness even at times to get my attention. I guess some of that is due to my thick headedness, and then I know some of it is simply because of my flesh and sinful, wicked heart.

I know other people struggle with the same things in the Christian life, but it just seems to be ever present in mine. And I can actually look back and see how God has been that "hound of heaven" continually pursuing me in this. I mean how many times does the Lord have to teach me the same lesson over and over again before I finally get it, before my Spirit finally bows before Him in humility, before I release my clutch on whatever it is that's in His place and come to Him empty and broken?

If you are an idol making factory like me it doesn't take long at all, after a lesson is learned, to "stray and wander, and go my own way" from the Lord. It's very frustrating at times to get it, and then lose it, or even throw it out the window, and then have to be taught all over again.

This time the Lord seems to be going to extreme lengths, which I call His severe and extreme grace. Some people ask why is this life so hard? Why is there so much pain? I honestly believe that the Lord is constantly using all of these things for His good. Notice I said His good for me, not what I think is good. Because I am convinced that if He worked for what I thought was good, then I would seriously have it good if you know what I mean. Pie in the sky, a tiptoe through the tulips life, a walk in the park. And that is not what brings about my complete and total dependence on Him. That is not what helps to transform me more into His image. If I have it easy then I am most likely not to depend on Him at all. When life gets comfortable and the war seems to die for a nanosecond I let down my guard, I relax, I don't guard my heart for the Lord, I rely on others, I focus on how good this world is and completely forget Who I am living for and what reality it is that I focus on, and Who it is that is keeping me alive. My sinfulness begins to think, aight God, I got this... I think I can handle this week, day, or second on my own. HA! Don't you know He just cringes when I hit that state, and yet shakes His head in deep sorrowful love, because He knows me and my heart, and knows that we are going to have to go through another round of training yet again.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes there are small victories of obedience, of living for the Lord from day to day. There are pleasures and unspeakable joys that He brings. He is at work constantly and promises to carry me on to completion. Praise His Name for His faithfulness and enduring unrelentless grace! There are also times when my flesh and will are so strong, rebellious, hardened, tough, that I try to live on my own and don't come to Him in humility daily to live for Him, in His grace.

I am so thankful today that God is faithful to me. I am so thankful that when I don't desire God, when I don't desire the lessons that He wants to teach me, that He is not going to leave me in my sinful state. Praise God that He has loved me from the beginning of time. Praise God that He loved me first, before I even thought of Him... He chose me, He holds me and not the other way around. Praise God that from the beginning He intimately knew my heart, how I would rebel against Him, mock Him, sin against Him daily, and yet inspite of all of that, He chose to love me still. I can so clearly see today and am ashamed to say that if it were left up to me, if it were my choice; then in my sinfulness, pain, fear, and weak heartedness....I would walk away because of how hard this walk with Christ is at times. The hard severe and extreme lessons in grace and dependence are not fun at points, they hurt, there are times when it would seem easier just to throw in the towel and give in to my flesh, and live like most of the world in ease and prosperity. These kinds of days are the days that I am more thankful than ever for my Savior! I am so thankful that even though I fight against the lessons He wants me to learn, He still continues to teach. In His severe mercy He holds me firm, turns up the heat on the fire, melting idols, seering emotions deep, burning out impurities, purifying me, skimming the dross off, breaking down strongholds, and walking through the fire with me.

What more could I ask for!?! I have been given a gift that is worth far more than an easy life. A precious gift that outweighs the present moment's struggles. I have been saved and know my Savior! I have been bought with a price...the precious blood of Christ! For what? Not to go my own way and live an easy life, but to imitate Christ, to live for Him, to give my life back to Him as an offering in obedience to His will.

Yes, life WILL get extremely hard at times, and the Lord WILL ask me to walk through difficult things, He WILL require drastic obedience of me...
But through it all He is there, He will never leave nor forsake me, He walks with me and upholds me with His righteous right hand. He will never ask anything of me that He will not give me the strength to accomplish or endure. He will also never demand anything from me that He has not already walked through Himself.
Praise God for His day to day faithfulness that began before time and will continue into eternity! He holds me in the palm of His hand and nothing, not hard situations, not emotions, not my rebelliousness, not the schemes of Satan, nothing will snatch me from His hand... NOTHING!

Praise God for His faithfulness, for His abounding love that will endure forever, for His patience and slowness to anger, and for His severe mercy that draws me (sometimes kicking and screaming) to His side!

Praise His Holy, Faithful and Almighty Name! The Name above every Name, Jesus, Abba... God!