Act v. Intention

This is a thought I have been rollin around in my head and heart for a couple days. We discussed this Wednesday, and I'm still discussing it with myself...which results in ramblings such as these. This one being about God, His sovereignty, and His goodness, which I'm certain has rolled around like a fad on my blog, it comes and goes and comes and goes again....
Now I, being reformed, believe in God's sovereignty to a fault. I know that I know that I know that God sovereignly ordains all things. He operates on Plan A, there is never a back up Plan B. He is never passive in the order, direction, and happenings of His universe. He is control of all things, even the hearts of sinners, of which I am.
God's sovereignty to me means whatever happens; whether it be trials, testings, blessings, losses, whatever may come... I truly believe without a shadow of a doubt that everything can be traced back to the finger of God. A single leaf doesn't blow in the wind without it being moved by God Himself. My heart's every beat is a gift and is ordained by God. He is sovereign, in control, and ordains every single thing in this universe that is His.
Of course there is also free will, in which the mixture of the two is completely gray to me, so I won't even go there.....
So my fault in knowing what I know that I know (ha!): how do I reconcile God's sovereign hand and evil in this world with His goodness. How do the children in the Philippines starve daily under God's sovereignty and that still be considered good? How do hurtful things happen in my life, at the hands of other people, and ultimatley ordained by the hand of God, and yet He still remain good? How do I (a meaning-maker human) find the good meaning in past hurts that just don't seem to be good in any way?
Don't get me wrong. I know God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So don't label this as blasphemy just yet. I'm realizing it's not God whose in question here...it's me, it's my sinful heart and mind that can't wrap around the question I have of God's goodness.
So on Wednesday, a very wise elder, brought to light that (I hope I get this right) there is a distince difference in an act versus the intentions of the act. For example, the act of Joseph being sold into slavery, put into prison, etc...the act itself which was physically carried out at the hands of his own brothers, with evil intentions... the same act which was carried out by his brothers, God sovereignly ordained and intended for good. Now if I could consciously separate the act from the intentions, it would put God's goodness and purposes into a much clearer light, because God never purposes evil for His children. He even never tempts His children to evil. His plan is always goodness, no matter how the act may seem from this side of heaven.
God is not able to tempt us, as His children, He is not even tempted to tempt us because He is good, perfect, holy, loving, and righteous at all times. He does test His children, but there again the act must be separated from the intentions, because it could be an evil act, done by a sinner with evil intentions, but the same act ordained by God out of love and with good intentions, to produce character, perseverance, deeper faith, more love for Him. So in these difficult acts/testings I am tempted by my own evil desires... so in an act of testing, I am not tempted by God to sin, be angry with Him, those are my own evil desires, He means the act only for good, but my sinful heart possibly wanting "what I want", sins against Him when His testings get in the way of what I want... His intention-good, my desires-evil. Whoa! that is a mouthful for sure!
So.... in essence, it's me, it's my untrusting heart full of evil desires, it's my fallible sinful mind that just can't reconcile the evil in this world with the goodness of God....WHEW! Deep stuff...
All I can say is God, please please please, give me the wisdom and grace to trust You & Your goodness in ALL things.

Doing Flows From Being

"It is impossible to get from preoccupation with behavior to the gospel. The gospel is not a message about doing things. It is a message about being a new creature. It speaks to people as broken, fallen sinners who are in need of a new heart. God has given His Son to make us new creatures. God does open-heart surgery, not a face-lift. He produces change from inside out. He rejects the man who fasts twice a week and accepts the sinner who cries for mercy."
-Tedd Tripp

I am NOT Religious!

“Religion is, ‘I obey, therefore I’m accepted’. The Gospel is, ‘I’m accepted through what Jesus Christ has done for me, therefore I obey’. Religion gives you control, that’s why its so popular…If I am saved by what I can do, then there’s a limit to what God can ask of me. I still have some control. But if I am saved by sheer grace, then there’s nothing He cannot ask of me”.
- Tim Keller

More Fun Pics

Seriously, I've watched just enough America's Next Top Model to be dangerous! hahaha!

I love how my eyes look blue in this one! These photographers truly are awesome! They have some amazing skills!

I love the detail and classiness of this one! It looks like it's from the 50's or something, and of course, I'm a huge black and white fan! :)

I tell ya what, Lezlie Andrew is an amazing photographer! I just wish she didn't live all the way in Texas... thank you Lezlie for a fun day! I had a blast!

Scary Freedom

“Believers sometimes forget that we have been set free. Freedom scares us and more important, it scares those religious leaders who are into control. Jesus said, ‘Therefore if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed.’ We want to change that, to create some parameters and to ameliorate the dangers of the freedom Jesus gives. When we do that, we miss the joys of being free from the bondage of our slavery to rules and manipulation...Being free enables us to go to God without the need to act like a proper slave...Being free means that , in prayer, we don't have to work for 'slave's wages'...Being free means that we don't have to worry about every word and every thought that is uttered in the presence of God...God says...'You aren't a slave, Quit acting like one".
-Steve Brown. When Being Good Isn’t Good Enough.