God Who?

Recently I have been thinking through who I think God is. As I began this process I quickly realized that I have a lot of wrong veiws of who God is. In fact I'm not sure that I have many right ones! That was very very hard to grasp after thinking that I knew Him for so long now.
Although it's really not that hard to believe that a sinful human being could have the wrong picture of God's nature and character. Honestly, will my mind ever be able to wrap around who God is completely, I don't think so! But at this point in my life I am seeking to find out who He truly is, instead of settling for what I thought I knew.
It's amazing to me how life shapes us, our views, and our images of who God is. We are all fallen and broken people and so it shouldn't surprise me, but in my life, I am constantly amazed at how I have taken life experiences and made them truth.
As I've been sifting through all of my wrong views of who God is, I've felt at a loss sometimes... I mean seriously, it's a huge thing to all of the sudden try to change my view of God, after having the same incorrect view ingrained in me for 27 years? When an ingrained image has shaped who I am for this long, it's a very difficult thing to unpack, dismantle, tear down, reverse, undo, reshape and re-learn. And on top of it I feel like I am going upstream against the norm of how I have lived my life all these years. Breaking this God mold out of my mind has been one of the most challenging things in my life, this far :) Simply because the image that I grew up with has shaped my personality, my behaviors, my relationships, my thoughts... I'm talkin this is super deep... my God image touches every fiber of my being. And so it feels so overwhelming to undo all that has been done.
And honestly sometimes the work before me is so overwhelimng and seems so difficult that I just stop trying for days at a time. Thankfully, the Spirit is at work, even when I'm not, because I am always brought back around to working on it over & over & over again.
I also am thankful for precious godly friends that gently push me, when I am in my overwhelmed, not moving forward days. It is such a blessing to have a those true godly friends...that love the Lord and me enough to risk the comfortable/easiness of friendship in order to speak truth to my heart, gentle rebuke, or humble wise counsel...despite what my reaction may be to it.
So not too long ago one of my blessings pushed me. She simply pointed out that I needed some sort of truth to combat all the ingrained lies that swarm in my head all day long. She pushed me to find just one verse, or a couple, that would help to disarm and fight against my second nature, gut level view of God.
As I thought about that... I wanted something that wasn't from the mouths of men. I know the whole Bible is Spirit breathed... but I wanted something straight from the mouth of the God who I am seeking to know. I figured, if I am going to hold on to one verse to fight against all these bazillions of lies, it's gotta hold some super heavy weight and come from the Man Himself!
So the Lord brought to my mind the passage in Exodus, when the God of the universe passed before Moses on Mount Sinai as an answer to Moses' request, 'Please show me your glory". So God shielded him in the cleft of a rock, covered him with His hand, and passed before him showing Moses only His back as He declared the glory of who He is while He passed by.
In my mind that holds weight!
This is what the LORD declares of Himself in showing His glory...
"The LORD, the LORd, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation." -Exodus 34:6-7
I am so thankful that in my weak struggle to search for who God truly is and to break down all the ingrained lies I know, He is constantly fighting for me to know the Truth of who He is. Even on days when I don't have the desire to seek... He shows me, whether I'm seeking or not. Each day, one slow step at a time, one layer of scales falling off my eyes at a time, He is patiently showing me that who He truly is goes completely against who I've always thought He was.
Praise His Name that His character does not change or conform to my boxes, molds, ingrained lies, wrong teachings and small limited human knowledge.
Exodus 14:14 - "The LORD will fight for you; and you have only to be silent."