After an evening of fellowship with the women at the church I began my hour drive home. It was dark and the road was long. My heart was heavy after hearing a lady's testimony at church of how the Lord had worked in her heart over the past year to move her into a deeper relationship with Him. She spoke of how He had taught her to be still and listen to Him, to seek His face above all else, and to not just give Him the "scraps" of her day.
I felt convicted... the Ol' Holy Spirit was stirring in there deep down inside where a lot of times I don't like to look.
I knew that the Lord was speaking to me through her that night. I knew that my life had gotten so busy that I wouldn't be able to hear the Lord if He shouted from Mount Sinai at me!
Usually on the long drive home on Highway 16 I crank up my Hillsong praise music and listen to the praises of the Lord for an hour. But recently the praise songs had turned into noise. I wasn't singing them from the heart anymore, I was just using them to drown out the still small quiet conviction of the Lord. It never feels good to be convicted of being wrong, or doing something wrong, or even just not being in Him.
As humans we all find something to drown out His conviction and double edged sword that pierces, dividing bone and marrow, soul and heart. When a sword pierces I imagine pain... which is why most of us avoid it at all costs. We run from the pain that is really true healing when dealt with before the forgiving and gracious God that loves us like no other.
I began to pray... Lord please speak to me, please keep my aimlessly wandering mind focused on you. I turned my noise off and just rode on the dark highway in silence. All I could hear were the bazillion thoughts racing around in my head vying for my attention and the hum of my Honda.
Lord...please speak to me, please work in me, please move in my heart, Lord have I lost touch, have I grieved the Holy Spirit, Lord please show me that you are still with me, carrying me to completion as you promised.
Isn't it just like us... we are nothing but doubting Thomas'...always asking for signs, when He has given us the greatest sign of all - His precious one and only Son that He sent to save us from His wrath.
As I repeated those prayers over and over in my mind and heart I began to get discouraged. I don't know what I was looking for or what I wanted. But I knew I wanted Him there and I wanted His presence, I wanted to feel His presence. I know our faith is not based on feeling, but as a woman and a deep feeling one, I just guess I wanted to feel Him with me that night and hear Him speak to my soul.
As I got closer to Farmhaven I started smelling this horrible stench! I couldn't figure out what it was. It smelled like a cross of burnt chicken, horse and cow manure. It was the most foul thing I had smelled in a while, and it lasted for a good 15 minutes of my trip. It began to stick in my throat so I turned the air off, but it was too late, it had already infiltrated my car, and stuck in my nose and the back of my throat. I tried only breathing through my mouth, but I could even taste it the smell was so thick. Now I know, living out in the country you just smell these type of smells, but this was different! I had never smelled something so disgusting.
And then it hit me... He was speaking to me even through the horrid smell of burnt manure. The Scripture came to my mind that the Lord does not delight in burnt offerings, but a broken and contrite heart. The smell of burnt manure made me think of the Old Testament days when bazillions of animals were slaughtered to stay the wrath of the Lord from the Israelites. Then the Scripture came to my mind of how we are to be the fragrance of the Lord to those who are around us.
The Lord was speaking to my heart and convicting me just like I asked, no begged Him to. I got this goofy grin on my face right in the thick of the stench.
He was convicting me, probing my heart, peeling away hardened layers, and revealing tender soul underneath...
Am I a stench to the Lord? Is my busy life an offering that the Lord takes no delight in? Am I a sweet fragrance to those around me, to those that I come in contact with for even brief moments throughout my days? Does my life waft the sweet aroma of God's grace to those around me that don't know Him?
I got the sick feeling that all the answers to those questions were not in my favor of being a holy and righteous Christian! I had the sickening feeling that I had not been living as a sweet fragrance to the Lord or to others!
Oh the convicton of the Lord can be seen so differently: from trying to drown it out with praise song noise, to straining to hear Him in the deafening silence wanting to be convicted to know He is still there holding me by the right hand and leading me to glory.
Praise the Lord that even though my sinful heart is a stench to Him, He loves me in spite of me. Praise His holy Name that even when I am a foul horrid odor to those around me for Him, that He continues to work in me, carrying me on to completion, and continues to win souls for Himself.
Praise His holy Name for His mercy that never fails... His faithfulness that will continue to be new every morning! Praise God for showing me the stench that I am, so that I can see my desperate need for Him, so that He can be a sweet smelling fragrance in me!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Change
Change is inevitable in our lives as humans, or is it? From birth we continuously change: our bodies, our minds (especially as a woman), we develop and change socially, we grow and change the way we think, we change the way we feel, emotions, and our souls are always changing in one way or another.
My life seems to be going through an enormous road of changes. I have seen that not only do I change but situations change, time constantly changes and moves on, yet most humans don't like change... In fact most people will go out of their way to hold together some type of normalcy, routine, or some form of ordered security in order to keep from changing.
Americans in general (being one, so I know) don't like change. We don't like when our schedules change, we don't like when prices change, we don't like when dynamics change with people, we don't like change in general really... Why?
Is it really the changing that we don't like? Is it truly the change of something that makes us pout or bow up against the natural order of life? Or is there a thread that runs deeper, a nerve that sinks into our souls that spasms everytime we are thrown off by change.
Of course... if you know me, then you know I think it runs deeper! Everything here on this earth goes deeper than surface level, pointing us to the reality that is invisible...the reality that we are to live for as Christians; Everything on this earth points us to God... even change.
We as fallen humans have an evil, wicked, sinful desire that we were born with, and are tainted with as long as we have breath in our lungs....the desire to be gods.
Wasn't that the reason Satan fell from being the most glorious angel?...He wanted to be more glorious than God Himself. Why did Adam and Eve eat of the fruit, thus committing the first sin?...They were tempted, by Satan, to be like God, knowing all that He knows. What do most religions offer in this day and age?...to be a god in the after life.
This is the thread that runs from the end of Satan's fallen angel wing, through the fruit of The Tree and into our souls; this is the nerve in our souls that spasms when change comes into our lives.
It is unmistakeable how we live from day to day trying to rule, control, direct, and order our own lives. We make our own descisions, we manage our own time, bank accounts, and schedules. We are the masters of our little universes until change comes.
Is that a coincidence?...now if you really know me, then you for sure know I don't believe in coincidences!
The Lord, I believe, is the author and director of the changes that come in our lives. Hear me out... I do not believe that our God is the God of chaos... NO! I believe the Lord sends change into our lives in order to show us... "Hey, Lindsey, you can't live your life on your own... you need Me! I give you the breath that you are taking right now. You need me for every second of this life, I Am what holds you together my child!"
We don't see this amazing truth in our orderly, well-planned, busy lives that make so much sense. We can't see past our watches, calendars, routines, or shedules to see that we are not in control. We do whatever it takes to fool ourselves into believing the lie that we are in complete orderly control of our lives.
WE ARE NOT!
"A man may plan his path, but the Lord directs His steps." The Lord will not leave us thinking that we don't need Him to order our lives. He will send change of some fashion in order to knock our little diety pedastools out from under us, turn our worlds upside down, make us feel out of control, so that we can see our need for Him, our Sovereign Ruler, our Redeemer, our Savior and King, our steadfast faithful Shephard, who leads us through every breath of this life.
Do I fear change? Sometimes, but mostly when change comes I just smile because I know the Lord is at work. He has mysterious ways of wooing us with His love, and with most of us, He really has to weave a wonderful tapestry of woo :)
From the back side sometimes all we can see is change, confusion, and uncontrolled order, but praise His name, the God Almighty himself sits on the other side of the loom and weaves a gorgeous tapestry, one that begins with His love and ends with His Son.... all the change in between is a single thread of Him leading us home. He never wastes anything, even the changes we fight so hard against. He is good, and one day we will see all the change that He used to make us more into the awesome image of His Son. It will come to pass. He will carry me through until completion...but until then I have to remember...
Change = Dependance on the Lover of my soul!
My life seems to be going through an enormous road of changes. I have seen that not only do I change but situations change, time constantly changes and moves on, yet most humans don't like change... In fact most people will go out of their way to hold together some type of normalcy, routine, or some form of ordered security in order to keep from changing.
Americans in general (being one, so I know) don't like change. We don't like when our schedules change, we don't like when prices change, we don't like when dynamics change with people, we don't like change in general really... Why?
Is it really the changing that we don't like? Is it truly the change of something that makes us pout or bow up against the natural order of life? Or is there a thread that runs deeper, a nerve that sinks into our souls that spasms everytime we are thrown off by change.
Of course... if you know me, then you know I think it runs deeper! Everything here on this earth goes deeper than surface level, pointing us to the reality that is invisible...the reality that we are to live for as Christians; Everything on this earth points us to God... even change.
We as fallen humans have an evil, wicked, sinful desire that we were born with, and are tainted with as long as we have breath in our lungs....the desire to be gods.
Wasn't that the reason Satan fell from being the most glorious angel?...He wanted to be more glorious than God Himself. Why did Adam and Eve eat of the fruit, thus committing the first sin?...They were tempted, by Satan, to be like God, knowing all that He knows. What do most religions offer in this day and age?...to be a god in the after life.
This is the thread that runs from the end of Satan's fallen angel wing, through the fruit of The Tree and into our souls; this is the nerve in our souls that spasms when change comes into our lives.
It is unmistakeable how we live from day to day trying to rule, control, direct, and order our own lives. We make our own descisions, we manage our own time, bank accounts, and schedules. We are the masters of our little universes until change comes.
Is that a coincidence?...now if you really know me, then you for sure know I don't believe in coincidences!
The Lord, I believe, is the author and director of the changes that come in our lives. Hear me out... I do not believe that our God is the God of chaos... NO! I believe the Lord sends change into our lives in order to show us... "Hey, Lindsey, you can't live your life on your own... you need Me! I give you the breath that you are taking right now. You need me for every second of this life, I Am what holds you together my child!"
We don't see this amazing truth in our orderly, well-planned, busy lives that make so much sense. We can't see past our watches, calendars, routines, or shedules to see that we are not in control. We do whatever it takes to fool ourselves into believing the lie that we are in complete orderly control of our lives.
WE ARE NOT!
"A man may plan his path, but the Lord directs His steps." The Lord will not leave us thinking that we don't need Him to order our lives. He will send change of some fashion in order to knock our little diety pedastools out from under us, turn our worlds upside down, make us feel out of control, so that we can see our need for Him, our Sovereign Ruler, our Redeemer, our Savior and King, our steadfast faithful Shephard, who leads us through every breath of this life.
Do I fear change? Sometimes, but mostly when change comes I just smile because I know the Lord is at work. He has mysterious ways of wooing us with His love, and with most of us, He really has to weave a wonderful tapestry of woo :)
From the back side sometimes all we can see is change, confusion, and uncontrolled order, but praise His name, the God Almighty himself sits on the other side of the loom and weaves a gorgeous tapestry, one that begins with His love and ends with His Son.... all the change in between is a single thread of Him leading us home. He never wastes anything, even the changes we fight so hard against. He is good, and one day we will see all the change that He used to make us more into the awesome image of His Son. It will come to pass. He will carry me through until completion...but until then I have to remember...
Change = Dependance on the Lover of my soul!
Friday, May 16, 2008
True Love
Do we really know what a strong and true love feels like?
The world/humanity today sickens me to hear it's version of what a strong true love is!
The Lord Jesus Christ Himself shows us what true love is daily. He is love. Why do we look any further?
"The love which is strong as death is not only willing to save the beloved, it is willing to seem if necessary, pitiless, insensitive, unloving, if that is what will help the beloved to die... that is to be released from the bondage of self, which is death, and thus enter the gateway of life."
- Elisabeth Elliott
I think today we are so in love with ourselves and the lives that we have "made for ourselves" that we can't recognize what true love is anymore! I know in my life the Lord has used some pretty drastic measures to get my attention in attempts to bring me to the end of myself so that I can see my need for Him and His love. Why is it that we think that only good, happy, fun, easy, painfree and joyful things come from true love? Isn't it obvious that the Lord uses even the hard, difficult, sad, heartbreaking, troubles and trials to show us how much we desperately need His love?!
What would make you see your need for the Lord more? A big fat raise with the finest car as a gift, an enormous mansion, life long free gas, no more taxes, and never another difficult situation.....
Or would you know your need for Him more from losing your home, not having enough money month to month, not getting everything your heart desires, your plans not working out, losing the ones you love the most, and being bombarded by difficulty after difficulty.
The saying resounds in my head again. "We will never know Jesus is all we need until Jesus is all we've got!"
He is Love! And He will do whatever it takes; go to desperate lengths, take drastic measures in order for us to realize that all we need to live this life, all we need to make us happy, all we need to rely on for peace day to day is HIM, HIS LOVE, and His alone!
Ugh that's a hard lesson to learn! It has been for me and I'm only 26! Praise God He doesn't give up on us when the going gets tough and we get defiant!!! He is good, faithful, patient, slow to anger, understanding, compassionate, gentle, and loving! His love is the only strong and true love that we can depend on, no matter what fashion or form it comes in...
God is love!
The world/humanity today sickens me to hear it's version of what a strong true love is!
The Lord Jesus Christ Himself shows us what true love is daily. He is love. Why do we look any further?
"The love which is strong as death is not only willing to save the beloved, it is willing to seem if necessary, pitiless, insensitive, unloving, if that is what will help the beloved to die... that is to be released from the bondage of self, which is death, and thus enter the gateway of life."
- Elisabeth Elliott
I think today we are so in love with ourselves and the lives that we have "made for ourselves" that we can't recognize what true love is anymore! I know in my life the Lord has used some pretty drastic measures to get my attention in attempts to bring me to the end of myself so that I can see my need for Him and His love. Why is it that we think that only good, happy, fun, easy, painfree and joyful things come from true love? Isn't it obvious that the Lord uses even the hard, difficult, sad, heartbreaking, troubles and trials to show us how much we desperately need His love?!
What would make you see your need for the Lord more? A big fat raise with the finest car as a gift, an enormous mansion, life long free gas, no more taxes, and never another difficult situation.....
Or would you know your need for Him more from losing your home, not having enough money month to month, not getting everything your heart desires, your plans not working out, losing the ones you love the most, and being bombarded by difficulty after difficulty.
The saying resounds in my head again. "We will never know Jesus is all we need until Jesus is all we've got!"
He is Love! And He will do whatever it takes; go to desperate lengths, take drastic measures in order for us to realize that all we need to live this life, all we need to make us happy, all we need to rely on for peace day to day is HIM, HIS LOVE, and His alone!
Ugh that's a hard lesson to learn! It has been for me and I'm only 26! Praise God He doesn't give up on us when the going gets tough and we get defiant!!! He is good, faithful, patient, slow to anger, understanding, compassionate, gentle, and loving! His love is the only strong and true love that we can depend on, no matter what fashion or form it comes in...
God is love!
The Purpose of Life
"What is the purpose of life? In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. This is the warm-up-act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on Earth what we will do forever in eternity. " - Rick Warren
I forget this so often. I find myself frequently giving into the warped falsehood that this is the only reality, this is the only life. Yeh, in the back of my head I know I am going to heaven, but is that what I live for? Do I live out heaven here on Earth? Am I preparing well for eternity? My honest answer would have to be a big NO! That's hard to admit, but so true.
I too often love to live for this life. More often than I want to admit I find myself pushing the Holy Spirit's nudge to the back of my mind/agenda. I hear the Lord calling, I feel Him leading and guiding, but I don't want to listen. I get so wrapped up in my days, my relationships, my agenda, my life, that I forget that my life has been bought at a price; a very precious one at that! "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price." 1 Cor. 6:20
It's amazing how easily I fall for the deception of what my life's purpose is. "God is more interested in making my life holy than He is in making my life happy. He is more interested in my character than my comfort." - Rick Warren
Why can't I come to terms with that in my heart. Why do I hear the Lord saying, "deny yourself, Lindsey, take up your cross daily and follow me", and yet I don't listen and obey? I so quickly divert and run from the straight, narrow, hard path that leads through the valley of the shadow of death, when in reality the Lord uses that path most in my life to change me more into His likeness.
Why won't I trust Him to know that no matter how difficult, painful, sorrowful, troublesome and wearisome the road is, He will always walk the path right there beside me? I think actually my nickname should be Thomas and then Peter! I am so quick to doubt and fear when God asks the difficult things of me. I hesitate so often and many times don't even obey. I was reminded this past Sunday of what a precious gift I take for granted: Jesus Christ, the Lord of this universe, came to this Earth to die for me, to take my place on that cross. He came to bring me to Himself in salvation so that I could enjoy eternity with Him... and yet when He asks difficult things from me, I hesitate, I am reluctant, and I doubt in fear. After all that He has done for me, the least I can do is give Him my whole life, heart, my all! Wow, in writing this out I can really see what a selfish, self-seeking sinner I really am before Him.
As I go through each day struggling to trust Him with the life that He gave me; Ironic I know, and disgraceful! I cling desperately to the promise of who He is. I can look back and know that He is good and faithful and will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my God! He is the same today toward me as He proclaimed to be before Moses...
"The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin..." - Exodus 34:6-7
With those characteristics of promise in mind... His perfect love truly does drive away fear. He is the only purpose for this life: Knowing Him, loving Him, glorifying Him, denying self and following Him, living for Him no matter what the cost. Oh God take my heart and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee!
I forget this so often. I find myself frequently giving into the warped falsehood that this is the only reality, this is the only life. Yeh, in the back of my head I know I am going to heaven, but is that what I live for? Do I live out heaven here on Earth? Am I preparing well for eternity? My honest answer would have to be a big NO! That's hard to admit, but so true.
I too often love to live for this life. More often than I want to admit I find myself pushing the Holy Spirit's nudge to the back of my mind/agenda. I hear the Lord calling, I feel Him leading and guiding, but I don't want to listen. I get so wrapped up in my days, my relationships, my agenda, my life, that I forget that my life has been bought at a price; a very precious one at that! "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price." 1 Cor. 6:20
It's amazing how easily I fall for the deception of what my life's purpose is. "God is more interested in making my life holy than He is in making my life happy. He is more interested in my character than my comfort." - Rick Warren
Why can't I come to terms with that in my heart. Why do I hear the Lord saying, "deny yourself, Lindsey, take up your cross daily and follow me", and yet I don't listen and obey? I so quickly divert and run from the straight, narrow, hard path that leads through the valley of the shadow of death, when in reality the Lord uses that path most in my life to change me more into His likeness.
Why won't I trust Him to know that no matter how difficult, painful, sorrowful, troublesome and wearisome the road is, He will always walk the path right there beside me? I think actually my nickname should be Thomas and then Peter! I am so quick to doubt and fear when God asks the difficult things of me. I hesitate so often and many times don't even obey. I was reminded this past Sunday of what a precious gift I take for granted: Jesus Christ, the Lord of this universe, came to this Earth to die for me, to take my place on that cross. He came to bring me to Himself in salvation so that I could enjoy eternity with Him... and yet when He asks difficult things from me, I hesitate, I am reluctant, and I doubt in fear. After all that He has done for me, the least I can do is give Him my whole life, heart, my all! Wow, in writing this out I can really see what a selfish, self-seeking sinner I really am before Him.
As I go through each day struggling to trust Him with the life that He gave me; Ironic I know, and disgraceful! I cling desperately to the promise of who He is. I can look back and know that He is good and faithful and will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my God! He is the same today toward me as He proclaimed to be before Moses...
"The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin..." - Exodus 34:6-7
With those characteristics of promise in mind... His perfect love truly does drive away fear. He is the only purpose for this life: Knowing Him, loving Him, glorifying Him, denying self and following Him, living for Him no matter what the cost. Oh God take my heart and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee!
Breath of Life
Jesus, breathe Thy Spirit on me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in,
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.
I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thee;
Letting go my strength and weakness
Breathing in Thy life divine.
Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breating in Thy cleansing fullness
Finding all my life in Thee.
I am breathing out my sorrow,
On thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.
I am breathing out my longings,
In Thy listening loving ear,
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.
I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Blessed Spirit, breathe in me.
Teach me how to breathe Thee in,
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.
I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thee;
Letting go my strength and weakness
Breathing in Thy life divine.
Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breating in Thy cleansing fullness
Finding all my life in Thee.
I am breathing out my sorrow,
On thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.
I am breathing out my longings,
In Thy listening loving ear,
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.
I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Blessed Spirit, breathe in me.
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