"Search me, know me, try me and see
any worthless affection hidden in me.
All I'm asking for, is that you cleanse me LORD.
Creat in me a heart that's clean,
conquer the power of secret shame,
come wash away the guilty stains
of all my sins, of all my sins.
Clothe me in robes of righteousness,
cover my nakedness with grace,
all of my life before you now,
I humbly bring."
-Travis Cotrell
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Blood Trailing on a God Hunt
As I was driving to work today I was thinking about a growth group conversation not too long ago on Colossians 4:2 - "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." We discussed what we each thought it meant to be watchful in prayer. And one mother told us of "God hunts" she used to go on with her children when they were younger. In these "God hunts" she taught them the importance of watching for God through out their days, looking for ways that He was speaking to them. Being still and looking, watching, being on the hunt for how God was going to show His love to them each day. What a brilliant idea!!!!
I really liked this idea, not only for me, but hopefully I will do this with my children one day! But for now, I have been putting it to use. So on my drive up Highway 25 this morning I was noticing the beautiful fall leaves that are changing colors outside. Now here in Mississippi the colors don't get brilliantly bright like up north, but they are bright enough to bring a sense of awe and wonder at the Creator and His creativity in His gorgeous creation!
I was looking at the different colors, and every now and then I would catch a glimpse of the brightest red leaves I have ever seen! They were just speckled in and out of the orange and yellow and the many that are still green. But about every 50 yards or so there would be a gorgeous clump of red that made me gasp.
As I looked at those clumps of red my eyes caught a glimpse of something. Me being (the a-typical girl) a hunter and an artist... my two thought patterns converged and made for a great God hunt!
Now if any of you have ever been deer hunting, you know that sometimes the deer doesn't just drop dead after you shoot it. Sometimes their adrenaline pumps and they can run a good ways (not too too far if you're a good shot!) :) If they do run like this after being shot, then you have to blood trail them. Especially if you shoot the deer at dusk, then you have to slowly move from one spot of blood to the next trying to follow the signs to your trophy buck! (Ok, ok so maybe it's a doe, either way it's meat in the freezer!) Sometimes it might be a tiny spot of blood under a leaf and so you search, watching carefully.
All of these clumps of red leaves on Highway 25 captivated my attention and my imagination saw a big, huge blood trail! I drove and my eyes moved from clump to clump of red, some were small and some were big bunches of bold red color. My mind then asked... what am I trailing?!
Then it hit me! I was hunting for God! Now this may seem a little far fetched to you, but hang in there with me, because God reveals Himself to us in many ways... creation is one way that every man on earth can know God. It's His "natural revelation" to us. It leaves man without excuse for not knowing Him. So as my eyes followed from one "blood red" clump of leaves to the next I couldn't help but think of my Savior! My mind immediately followed the blood trail of gorgeous red leaves right to the foot of the cross where Jesus in all of His love gave up His life for me, shedding His precious blood to rescue me from the dominion of darkness! What else could this blood trail lead to? After all He was there in the beginning, He was there to design and create all the leaves, the colors they would turn; He was there on that cross, spilling His precious blood that flowed from His hands, feet, head and side, He's there every season painting the leaves, deciding which colors will go where, He is intimately involved in His creation and the lives of His children!
And He, the LORD of all creation is there loving me, leading me, wooing me daily. He is the one that swiped His blood stained hands over those leaves... that set that trail out for me, leading my heart and mind back to Him. He is the Lover, my Savior that finds creative ways to draw me back to Him in complete dependence daily.
Praise the LORD for the blood trail that led me back to the foot of the Cross again where I am always humbled and in need of His saving grace!
The Hound of Heaven
This has been one of my favorite poems, ever since that Living in Grace conference in January 2004. I fled the LORD for 24 years, and yet He followed me, pursued me, and sought me out to save me! Praise God for His severe mercy!
"I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmed fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat--and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet--
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."
I pleaded, outlaw-wise,
By many a hearted casement, curtained red,
Trellised with intertwining charities
(For, though I knew His love Who followed,
Yet was I sore adread
Lest having Him, I must have naught beside);
But if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of His approach would clash it to.
Fear wist not to evade, as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clanged bars;
Fretted to dulcet jars
And silvern chatter the pale ports o' the moon.
I said to dawn, Be sudden; to eve, Be soon;
With thy young skyey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover!
Float thy vague veil about me, lest He see!
I tempted all His servitors, but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness, and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue;
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind.
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue;
Or whether, Thunder-driven,
They clanged his chariot 'thwart a heaven
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn o' their feet--
Still with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following Feet,
And a Voice above their beat--
"Naught shelters thee, who wilt not shelter Me."
I sought no more that after which I strayed
In face of man or maid;
But still within the little children's eyes
Seems something, something that replies;
They at least are for me, surely for me!
I turned me to them very wistfully;
But, just as their young eyes grew sudden fair
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
"Come then, ye other children, Nature's--share
With me," said I, "your delicate fellowship;
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning
With our Lady-Mother's vagrant tresses'
Banqueting
With her in her wind-walled palace,
Underneath her azured daïs,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice
Lucent-weeping out of the dayspring."
So it was done;
I in their delicate fellowship was one--
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies.
I knew all the swift importings
On the wilful face of skies;
I knew how the clouds arise
Spumèd of the wild sea-snortings;
All that's born or dies
Rose and drooped with--made them shapers
Of mine own moods, or wailful or divine--
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the even,
When she lit her glimmering tapers
Round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
And its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine;
Against the red throb of its sunset-heart
I laid my own to beat,
And share commingling heat;
But not by that, by that, was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's gray cheek.
For ah! we know not what each other says,
These things and I; in sound I speak--
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor stepdame, cannot slake my drouth;
Let her, if she would owe me,
Drop yon blue bosom-veil of sky, and show me
The breasts of her tenderness;
Never did any milk of hers once bless
My thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase,
With unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy;
And past those noisèd Feet
A voice comes yet more fleet--
"Lo naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."
Naked I wait Thy love's uplifted stroke!
My harness piece by piece Thou hast hewn from me,
And smitten me to my knee;
I am defenseless utterly.
I slept, methinks, and woke,
And, slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours
And pulled my life upon me; grimed with smears,
I stand amid the dust o' the mounded years--
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst as sun-starts on a stream.
Yea, faileth now even dream
The dreamer, and the lute the lutanist;
Even the linked fantasies, in whose blossomy twist
I swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,
Are yielding; cords of all too weak account
For earth with heavy griefs so overplussed.
Ah! is Thy love indeed
A weed, albeit amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount?
Ah! must--
Designer infinite!--
Ah! must Thou char the wood ere Thou canst limn with it?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust;
And now my heart is a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver
Upon the sighful branches of my mind.
Such is; what is to be?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind?
I dimly guess what Time in mist confounds;
Yet ever and anon a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity;
Those shaken mists a space unsettle, then
But not ere him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With blooming robes, purpureal, cypress-crowned;
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether man's heart or life it be which yields
Thee harvest, must Thy harvest fields
Be dunged with rotten death?
Now of that long pursuit
Comes on at hand the bruit;
That Voice is round me like a bursting sea:
"And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me!
Strange, piteous, futile thing,
Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught," He said,
"And human love needs human meriting,
How hast thou merited--
Of all man's clotted clay rhe dingiest clot?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art!
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee
Save Me, save only Me?
All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms.
But just that thou might'st seek it in my arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for the at home;
Rise, clasp My hand, and come!"
Halts by me that footfall;
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstreched caressingly?
"Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me."
- Francis Thompson (1859-1907)
"I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmed fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat--and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet--
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."
I pleaded, outlaw-wise,
By many a hearted casement, curtained red,
Trellised with intertwining charities
(For, though I knew His love Who followed,
Yet was I sore adread
Lest having Him, I must have naught beside);
But if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of His approach would clash it to.
Fear wist not to evade, as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clanged bars;
Fretted to dulcet jars
And silvern chatter the pale ports o' the moon.
I said to dawn, Be sudden; to eve, Be soon;
With thy young skyey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover!
Float thy vague veil about me, lest He see!
I tempted all His servitors, but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness, and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue;
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind.
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue;
Or whether, Thunder-driven,
They clanged his chariot 'thwart a heaven
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn o' their feet--
Still with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following Feet,
And a Voice above their beat--
"Naught shelters thee, who wilt not shelter Me."
I sought no more that after which I strayed
In face of man or maid;
But still within the little children's eyes
Seems something, something that replies;
They at least are for me, surely for me!
I turned me to them very wistfully;
But, just as their young eyes grew sudden fair
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
"Come then, ye other children, Nature's--share
With me," said I, "your delicate fellowship;
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning
With our Lady-Mother's vagrant tresses'
Banqueting
With her in her wind-walled palace,
Underneath her azured daïs,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice
Lucent-weeping out of the dayspring."
So it was done;
I in their delicate fellowship was one--
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies.
I knew all the swift importings
On the wilful face of skies;
I knew how the clouds arise
Spumèd of the wild sea-snortings;
All that's born or dies
Rose and drooped with--made them shapers
Of mine own moods, or wailful or divine--
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the even,
When she lit her glimmering tapers
Round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
And its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine;
Against the red throb of its sunset-heart
I laid my own to beat,
And share commingling heat;
But not by that, by that, was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's gray cheek.
For ah! we know not what each other says,
These things and I; in sound I speak--
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor stepdame, cannot slake my drouth;
Let her, if she would owe me,
Drop yon blue bosom-veil of sky, and show me
The breasts of her tenderness;
Never did any milk of hers once bless
My thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase,
With unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy;
And past those noisèd Feet
A voice comes yet more fleet--
"Lo naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."
Naked I wait Thy love's uplifted stroke!
My harness piece by piece Thou hast hewn from me,
And smitten me to my knee;
I am defenseless utterly.
I slept, methinks, and woke,
And, slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours
And pulled my life upon me; grimed with smears,
I stand amid the dust o' the mounded years--
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst as sun-starts on a stream.
Yea, faileth now even dream
The dreamer, and the lute the lutanist;
Even the linked fantasies, in whose blossomy twist
I swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,
Are yielding; cords of all too weak account
For earth with heavy griefs so overplussed.
Ah! is Thy love indeed
A weed, albeit amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount?
Ah! must--
Designer infinite!--
Ah! must Thou char the wood ere Thou canst limn with it?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust;
And now my heart is a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver
Upon the sighful branches of my mind.
Such is; what is to be?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind?
I dimly guess what Time in mist confounds;
Yet ever and anon a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity;
Those shaken mists a space unsettle, then
But not ere him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With blooming robes, purpureal, cypress-crowned;
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether man's heart or life it be which yields
Thee harvest, must Thy harvest fields
Be dunged with rotten death?
Now of that long pursuit
Comes on at hand the bruit;
That Voice is round me like a bursting sea:
"And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me!
Strange, piteous, futile thing,
Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught," He said,
"And human love needs human meriting,
How hast thou merited--
Of all man's clotted clay rhe dingiest clot?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art!
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee
Save Me, save only Me?
All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms.
But just that thou might'st seek it in my arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for the at home;
Rise, clasp My hand, and come!"
Halts by me that footfall;
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstreched caressingly?
"Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me."
- Francis Thompson (1859-1907)
Monday, November 3, 2008
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
God is a God of intimate details as yesterday was a much needed communion Sunday... we sang one of my favorite songs as the Communion Hymn...
How deep the Father's love for us,
how vast beyond all measure,
that He should give His only Son,
to make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss,
the Father turns His face away,
as wounds which mar the Chosen One,
bring many sons to glory.
Behold the Man upon a cross,
my sin upon His shoulders,
ashamed, I hear my mocking voice,
call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there,
until it was accomplished,
His dying breath has brought me life,
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
no gifts, no power, no wisdom,
but I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer,
but this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom.
How deep the Father's love for us,
how vast beyond all measure,
that He should give His only Son,
to make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss,
the Father turns His face away,
as wounds which mar the Chosen One,
bring many sons to glory.
Behold the Man upon a cross,
my sin upon His shoulders,
ashamed, I hear my mocking voice,
call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there,
until it was accomplished,
His dying breath has brought me life,
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
no gifts, no power, no wisdom,
but I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer,
but this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom.
Renewing Communion
The LORD is so good to bring me just what I need, right when I need it most! He knows my heart far better than I ever will, and he loves me inspite of my wickedness, doubts, fears, disobedience, sins, etc, etc, etc.... this list could go on for days!
"O, God, stamp eternity on my eyeballs!" - Jonathan Edwards
He has done just that this weekend. I am so easily distracted, overwhelmed by life, and prone to wander from the LORD that I love. More often than I would like to admit the Lord has to use His sometimes severe mercy, and sometimes more gentle mercy to bring me back to to a true, humble, and loving dependence on Him. Praise God He does this! Praise God He holds me with His righteous right hand, because left up to me and my sinful heart, my vision blurs, I lose focus, I wander, no... stray, no... bolt and run the other way from Him, the Lover of my soul.
Sometimes life comes at me so fast that it is overwhelming. It feels like the storm-tossed sea that rolls and swells, sweeps and breaks over me as I struggle just to stay afloat.
It is amazing that how in those storms of my life, and in the calm as well, the Lord has always been there with me. He has always been there to protect me through each stage of life. It has not always been so clear and easy for me to see that. In fact at some points I was not looking for Him, I was not seeking Him for refuge, I know a lot of times I didn't seek Him as my strength, stability, Rock, and Shepherd, but this time He has given me grace and a desire to seek His face.
On Saturday He reminded me He loved me and that He was there. Sometimes it's not so easy to see that clearly. Sometimes everything in this world, everything that surrounds me, the sea that tosses in the storm of life, clouds my vision, and overwhelms, and I can't even FEEL that God is there, or that He is at work... oh but He is!
He simply showed me this by three things: the sunlight, the love of my mom and dad, and the beauty of His creation, and His WORD made flesh. We worked in my yard all day long on Saturday. It was a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky... and Jesus, "the Light of the world" (Jn. 8:12), was shining new light, life, and truth into my bones under that sun. He is the one that gives us light, and in order for us to grow we must live/walk in His light. It's an amazing feeling to turn your face toward the sun and soak in the Lord's light. So through out the day as I was just sometimes standing in the sun, my sweet daddy was digging, working, digging and digging more! They are so good to me! They have put my interest and my needs before their own many times, and loved me with a godly love. My dad worked himself silly digging new flower beds, and a fire pit in my back yard. And my momma was right there with him, digging, planting flowers, and playing in the dirt. :) God reminded me of His presence through their love. He also reminded me of His presence just through the beauty of His creation... the pansies, their beautiful colors and the fact that God himself takes the time to clothe the flowers of the field. "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matt. 6:30)
It was on Sunday that He renewed my desire again, fed me, brought me back to the beginning, and made my path straight with Him as my focus. It was communion Sunday and it always seems to come just at a time such as this, where I either need breaking of my sin, need strengthening, or just need to remember and feed on the body of Christ that He gave for me. Usually it's a combination of all of the above!
The sermon was from 1 Jn. 1:1-4... and it was an amazing message taking me all the way back to the beginning, all the way back to the fact, the TRUTH, that regardless of my feelings "...the Lord Jesus Christ himself, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of His Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made; Who, for me and for my salvation came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for me under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father..." (The Nicene Creed).... this is Jesus!!! who set aside His deity, taking on flesh for the purpose of saving me to glorify Himself! Amazing Grace!
I had felt earlier in the week, and might have even blogged it: "ya know I can always look back and see Jesus' sacrifice for me and know that He loves me, but it's in the day to day thick of it when I can't feel it sometimes."
Well this sermon and communion on Sunday blasted that lil feeling to smitherines! ha!
HE IS LIFE! Regardless of how I may feel, He is the reason why I live. He is the God that came to this earth to save me. He is God above every god that the prophets saw, touched, heard, walked with and have proclaimed to us in His Word. He is the one that we fellowship with daily. He is the One that has come, lived a perfect life, died my death, and rose again from the dead, defeating my sin, Satan and my death, so that I can rise and live with Him in eternity. He is the God that has made it to where I will never know a day without Him. He has given me the gift of His grace and mercy that I will never be without; even in my most rebellious times, God lavished His grace on me! Even on my hardest, darkest, unfeeling days, He is still God and has still loved me enough to die for me! Feeling or no feeling, this is TRUTH!
He is worth it all! He is worth every single ounce of my life, every minute of my day, every second of my thoughts!
O that God would continue to stamp eternity on my eyeballs! So that it is not this life that I live for, but the next. There is no ruler, power, authority, tradition, spirit, or being that I live for on this earth other than the Lord Jesus Christ!
HE IS EVERYTHING! And when He takes me by the chin and turns my head, face, and eyes to look full in Him, everything really does grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!
Oh God firmly hold my chin, hold my gaze fast on You and none other!
Let everything else fall away so that ALL I see is You, Your love, Your death, Your grace, Your cross, Your will, Your light, and Your life!
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on my soul! Hold my gaze!
"O, God, stamp eternity on my eyeballs!" - Jonathan Edwards
He has done just that this weekend. I am so easily distracted, overwhelmed by life, and prone to wander from the LORD that I love. More often than I would like to admit the Lord has to use His sometimes severe mercy, and sometimes more gentle mercy to bring me back to to a true, humble, and loving dependence on Him. Praise God He does this! Praise God He holds me with His righteous right hand, because left up to me and my sinful heart, my vision blurs, I lose focus, I wander, no... stray, no... bolt and run the other way from Him, the Lover of my soul.
Sometimes life comes at me so fast that it is overwhelming. It feels like the storm-tossed sea that rolls and swells, sweeps and breaks over me as I struggle just to stay afloat.
It is amazing that how in those storms of my life, and in the calm as well, the Lord has always been there with me. He has always been there to protect me through each stage of life. It has not always been so clear and easy for me to see that. In fact at some points I was not looking for Him, I was not seeking Him for refuge, I know a lot of times I didn't seek Him as my strength, stability, Rock, and Shepherd, but this time He has given me grace and a desire to seek His face.
On Saturday He reminded me He loved me and that He was there. Sometimes it's not so easy to see that clearly. Sometimes everything in this world, everything that surrounds me, the sea that tosses in the storm of life, clouds my vision, and overwhelms, and I can't even FEEL that God is there, or that He is at work... oh but He is!
He simply showed me this by three things: the sunlight, the love of my mom and dad, and the beauty of His creation, and His WORD made flesh. We worked in my yard all day long on Saturday. It was a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky... and Jesus, "the Light of the world" (Jn. 8:12), was shining new light, life, and truth into my bones under that sun. He is the one that gives us light, and in order for us to grow we must live/walk in His light. It's an amazing feeling to turn your face toward the sun and soak in the Lord's light. So through out the day as I was just sometimes standing in the sun, my sweet daddy was digging, working, digging and digging more! They are so good to me! They have put my interest and my needs before their own many times, and loved me with a godly love. My dad worked himself silly digging new flower beds, and a fire pit in my back yard. And my momma was right there with him, digging, planting flowers, and playing in the dirt. :) God reminded me of His presence through their love. He also reminded me of His presence just through the beauty of His creation... the pansies, their beautiful colors and the fact that God himself takes the time to clothe the flowers of the field. "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matt. 6:30)
It was on Sunday that He renewed my desire again, fed me, brought me back to the beginning, and made my path straight with Him as my focus. It was communion Sunday and it always seems to come just at a time such as this, where I either need breaking of my sin, need strengthening, or just need to remember and feed on the body of Christ that He gave for me. Usually it's a combination of all of the above!
The sermon was from 1 Jn. 1:1-4... and it was an amazing message taking me all the way back to the beginning, all the way back to the fact, the TRUTH, that regardless of my feelings "...the Lord Jesus Christ himself, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of His Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made; Who, for me and for my salvation came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for me under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father..." (The Nicene Creed).... this is Jesus!!! who set aside His deity, taking on flesh for the purpose of saving me to glorify Himself! Amazing Grace!
I had felt earlier in the week, and might have even blogged it: "ya know I can always look back and see Jesus' sacrifice for me and know that He loves me, but it's in the day to day thick of it when I can't feel it sometimes."
Well this sermon and communion on Sunday blasted that lil feeling to smitherines! ha!
HE IS LIFE! Regardless of how I may feel, He is the reason why I live. He is the God that came to this earth to save me. He is God above every god that the prophets saw, touched, heard, walked with and have proclaimed to us in His Word. He is the one that we fellowship with daily. He is the One that has come, lived a perfect life, died my death, and rose again from the dead, defeating my sin, Satan and my death, so that I can rise and live with Him in eternity. He is the God that has made it to where I will never know a day without Him. He has given me the gift of His grace and mercy that I will never be without; even in my most rebellious times, God lavished His grace on me! Even on my hardest, darkest, unfeeling days, He is still God and has still loved me enough to die for me! Feeling or no feeling, this is TRUTH!
He is worth it all! He is worth every single ounce of my life, every minute of my day, every second of my thoughts!
O that God would continue to stamp eternity on my eyeballs! So that it is not this life that I live for, but the next. There is no ruler, power, authority, tradition, spirit, or being that I live for on this earth other than the Lord Jesus Christ!
HE IS EVERYTHING! And when He takes me by the chin and turns my head, face, and eyes to look full in Him, everything really does grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!
Oh God firmly hold my chin, hold my gaze fast on You and none other!
Let everything else fall away so that ALL I see is You, Your love, Your death, Your grace, Your cross, Your will, Your light, and Your life!
Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on my soul! Hold my gaze!
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