"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain." - 1 Cor. 15:10
This verse was in our sermon this weekend and it struck deep in me, as I have been trying to come to terms with who I am. Of course, yes, I am Lindsey, daughter of Steven and Deborah, sister to Chad and Kelly, and LaLa to W + R + Peanut, Artist, Photographer, Deputy Court Administrator... and on and on and on...
But that is not what I am talking about. I don't have any trouble admitting those things. In fact I accept and boast those things with pride most of the time. It's the things on the inside of me that I don't boast as easily. Actually these are things that for most of my life I have denied... it's truly amazing to be aware of how fast denial sets into a heart!
To be able to say, by the grace of God I am what I am...is astounding! Paul says these words in 1 Cor. after admitting that he was the least of the apostles, and the persecutor of the Church of Jesus. He is not boasting things he is proud of, he's accepting things that He is.
I have been sifting, filtering, and pilfering through my past recently... trying to do just that, figure out who I am. Up until about 2 months ago, I was very busy denying who I am, hiding who I am, covering over who I am, and pretending to be someone different. As I read several books, and obviously as the Lord has been working in me, I am beginning to be more comfortable with who I am...that means a lot, because like I said, you can't just be comfortable with only the good, you have to be comfortable with the good, the bad and the ugly, because we are whole beings. God knits us together in such a way that our whole beings reflect Him and His grace.
It was amazing for me to read that Paul was ok with who he was, and even knew that God's grace was not shown to Him in vain. No matter how big a mess Paul had made, no matter how far off Paul was from the truth, no matter what harm Paul had brought to the lives of others, God's grace to him was not in vain.
It reminded me once again, that even though I may try to hide aspects of who I am, God knows fully and completely who I am. Even though denial sets in, in seconds in my heart and mind, He never denies who I am. Before time began He knew me, in my mother's womb He knit me, from day to day He sees me and watches over me and walks with me. He knows me better than I know myself, because I am constantly blinded by my sin, pride and denial that wants to hide who I really am, in order to put forth someone better that I want to be.
When all along, He just wants me... He only requires for me to be myself... He never demands perfection from me, He knows I can't give it, that's why He gave me Jesus...He never asks that I live a sinless life, He knows I can't, so He gave me Jesus...
He only asks that I live: in day to day relationship with Him, real before Him, talking to Him, listening to Him, seeking to love Him, depending on Him, comfortable with who I am, before Him... just His beloved, glorious mess!
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Life You've Always Wanted
A precious gift of mine recently let me borrow the book The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. It has been life changing for me! It is an amazing book that I recommend to any ordinary sinner seeking to be transformed by God's grace.
Here are some lil' sneak peak teasers that are going to make you want to run out and buy this book immediately! :)
~I need to do whatever enables me to catch the wind of the Spirit in my sails.... example: sleep
~Turn aside from busyness and pay attention
~Joy is the serious business of heaven - C.S. Lewis
~We cannot microwave maturity
~Solitude is necessary
~I will always be a failure at prayer
~Ruthlessly eliminate hurry
~Live life interruptible
~Faith is not doubt-free certainty; rather, it is tenacious obedience
~God speaks to us all the time; we just fail to listen
~Even though testing is painful, it is an act of love
~It is not another person's compliment/approval that makes us feel good; rather, it is our belief that there is validity to the compliment.
~Stop being Messiah and become Lindsey
I know... I know...aren't those some amazing, simple, yet profound things... there is much much more in the book! I am going to have to buy it too, because I am only borrowing it. :)
It is worth the money, that is for sure!
Enjoy
Here are some lil' sneak peak teasers that are going to make you want to run out and buy this book immediately! :)
~I need to do whatever enables me to catch the wind of the Spirit in my sails.... example: sleep
~Turn aside from busyness and pay attention
~Joy is the serious business of heaven - C.S. Lewis
~We cannot microwave maturity
~Solitude is necessary
~I will always be a failure at prayer
~Ruthlessly eliminate hurry
~Live life interruptible
~Faith is not doubt-free certainty; rather, it is tenacious obedience
~God speaks to us all the time; we just fail to listen
~Even though testing is painful, it is an act of love
~It is not another person's compliment/approval that makes us feel good; rather, it is our belief that there is validity to the compliment.
~Stop being Messiah and become Lindsey
I know... I know...aren't those some amazing, simple, yet profound things... there is much much more in the book! I am going to have to buy it too, because I am only borrowing it. :)
It is worth the money, that is for sure!
Enjoy
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ruthlessly Eliminate Hurry
The title of this post is a statement from chapter 5: An Unhurried Life, The Practice of "Slowing", from the book I am currently reading... The Life You've Always Wanted by: John Ortberg. It begins with "People nowadays take time far more seriously than eternity." - Thomas Kelly
This chapter, well actually this book has means wonders to me right now! It's an amazing book on spiritual disciplines for ordinary people, one of which I certainly am, ordinary!
I have been thinking so much about this book, the hurry of life, time, rushing, and how it affects me. I have been amazed to see how hurriedness touches so many areas in my life. I have been convicted over the past two weeks... A HURRIED LIFE IS NOT LIFE AS GOD INTENDED IT! WHERE IS THE JOY IN ALL THIS HURRYING?!
As Americans, me included, time is way too important to us. It's proven that time is our #1 value...even over health, the well being of our souls, relationships, safety, God... all for what?! It's certainly not for His glory!
We have the dreaded disease of hurry sickness, here are some examples: constantly speeding up daily activities, multi-tasking, clutter, or lack of simplicity, superficiality, inability to love, etc.
In thinking about this, I am simply asking myself a ton of questions:
-What am I hurrying for, what accomplishment will result from me hurrying? Ending the day quicker? Time speeding up? Efficiency? Keeping up with the 'Jones'?
-What moods fling from me in my hurried day? Frustration with others, who aren't hurrying along with me? Impatience? Unloveliness? Anger? Pride in trying to control my time and be a lil god?
-How many times have I passed by an opportunity, from the Lord, to love someone deeply and well, all because I am hurrying on to the next thing?
-How many times have I neglected to just enjoy life and the Lord, all because I'm in a race against time?
- How many times have I not been able to hear the whisper of the Lord or Holy Spirit because the rushing noise of my life is deafening to my soul?
-Why am I rushing my life away? There won't be rushing in eternity, right? This is the warm up act for what we will do for the rest of our lives with God. I won't make it to heaven, to see Jesus face to face, any quicker by rushing...well, maybe, through a heart attack!
-Why do I abandon joy and love in order to get through something?
-Would I read another book to my nephew, if I wasn't hurried to do something else?
-Would I take time to call a friend, to encourage them, if I wasn't so worried about getting something done?
-Would I see more beauty in this life, if I slowed down to take time to look around?
Ok, enough questions...
My heart is so heavy because in looking back, I see so many times that I hurried through something that I would have really enjoyed if I had been intentionally living slower. The Lord has opened my eyes to the waste of hurrying in my life, and as I have slowed down over the past couple weeks, stress has lessened, my mind is free-er, I enjoy more things, and my heart is simply lighter.
Oh that I would stay in this slow mode forever! I want to enjoy the things in this life, instead of just passing by them in a gust of hurried fret.
Lord, please, continue to slow my life, and show me ways that I can ruthlessly elimnate hurry in order to be more like you, and live for your glory!
This chapter, well actually this book has means wonders to me right now! It's an amazing book on spiritual disciplines for ordinary people, one of which I certainly am, ordinary!
I have been thinking so much about this book, the hurry of life, time, rushing, and how it affects me. I have been amazed to see how hurriedness touches so many areas in my life. I have been convicted over the past two weeks... A HURRIED LIFE IS NOT LIFE AS GOD INTENDED IT! WHERE IS THE JOY IN ALL THIS HURRYING?!
As Americans, me included, time is way too important to us. It's proven that time is our #1 value...even over health, the well being of our souls, relationships, safety, God... all for what?! It's certainly not for His glory!
We have the dreaded disease of hurry sickness, here are some examples: constantly speeding up daily activities, multi-tasking, clutter, or lack of simplicity, superficiality, inability to love, etc.
In thinking about this, I am simply asking myself a ton of questions:
-What am I hurrying for, what accomplishment will result from me hurrying? Ending the day quicker? Time speeding up? Efficiency? Keeping up with the 'Jones'?
-What moods fling from me in my hurried day? Frustration with others, who aren't hurrying along with me? Impatience? Unloveliness? Anger? Pride in trying to control my time and be a lil god?
-How many times have I passed by an opportunity, from the Lord, to love someone deeply and well, all because I am hurrying on to the next thing?
-How many times have I neglected to just enjoy life and the Lord, all because I'm in a race against time?
- How many times have I not been able to hear the whisper of the Lord or Holy Spirit because the rushing noise of my life is deafening to my soul?
-Why am I rushing my life away? There won't be rushing in eternity, right? This is the warm up act for what we will do for the rest of our lives with God. I won't make it to heaven, to see Jesus face to face, any quicker by rushing...well, maybe, through a heart attack!
-Why do I abandon joy and love in order to get through something?
-Would I read another book to my nephew, if I wasn't hurried to do something else?
-Would I take time to call a friend, to encourage them, if I wasn't so worried about getting something done?
-Would I see more beauty in this life, if I slowed down to take time to look around?
Ok, enough questions...
My heart is so heavy because in looking back, I see so many times that I hurried through something that I would have really enjoyed if I had been intentionally living slower. The Lord has opened my eyes to the waste of hurrying in my life, and as I have slowed down over the past couple weeks, stress has lessened, my mind is free-er, I enjoy more things, and my heart is simply lighter.
Oh that I would stay in this slow mode forever! I want to enjoy the things in this life, instead of just passing by them in a gust of hurried fret.
Lord, please, continue to slow my life, and show me ways that I can ruthlessly elimnate hurry in order to be more like you, and live for your glory!
A Noisy Impatient Blur
A Noisy Impatient Blur,
it rushed by in a moment's time, nearly invisible,
like a vapor it rushed in and was gone before I could blink or think,
it whirled by me, whirled around me, whirled out the door and was gone,
ever passing, ever rushing, ever moving on.
And me, my busy, wearied Soul, watched in a daze of smoldering gloom,
busy, hurried, worried, restless, and caught up in endless rushing stream,
ever waiting to live, or living in a blur, never turning aside,
til the Timekeeper Himself stepped forth to bring an end,
to the warm up act that I never began.
WOW! Who knew I could come up with a poem.... haha! I always wanted to write poetry, but have just never tried, until I read Mrs. Belinda's blog, where she does poetry prompts...
http://upsidedownbee.blogspot.com/2009/04/noisy-impatient-chicken.html - this being her latest one.
Thanks Mrs. Belinda, that was fun, I never knew I had it in me!
it rushed by in a moment's time, nearly invisible,
like a vapor it rushed in and was gone before I could blink or think,
it whirled by me, whirled around me, whirled out the door and was gone,
ever passing, ever rushing, ever moving on.
And me, my busy, wearied Soul, watched in a daze of smoldering gloom,
busy, hurried, worried, restless, and caught up in endless rushing stream,
ever waiting to live, or living in a blur, never turning aside,
til the Timekeeper Himself stepped forth to bring an end,
to the warm up act that I never began.
WOW! Who knew I could come up with a poem.... haha! I always wanted to write poetry, but have just never tried, until I read Mrs. Belinda's blog, where she does poetry prompts...
http://upsidedownbee.blogspot.com/2009/04/noisy-impatient-chicken.html - this being her latest one.
Thanks Mrs. Belinda, that was fun, I never knew I had it in me!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Unrelenting Standards
What the heck are Unrelenting Standards? That is a great question, and today I am asking myself the same thing. I found out a couple days ago that these are what I operate from day to day... basically in everything I do, don't do, think, feel, I mean they run deep.
So here is a picture of what they look like in my life... yours may look different, if you have them at all?.
Mine are like the high jump. You know in the olympics. That really high bar that is set up and the olympian runs a lil ways and then vaults off of a way too skinny pole that bends almost to the point of snapping, but just at the last minute catapults them over the bar, or into it, if it's too high.
I have this high jump bar that I set up for myself, pretty much in all areas of life. I run every day, more than once a day usually, and every single time either my skinny poles snaps, or I just don't make it over. I cannot make it over the bar of my standards for myself, no matter how hard I try. That skinny vaulting pole either snaps and smacks me in the face, or I crash head first into the bar, not even coming close to getting over it!
And so I keep trying and I keep trying and I frustrate myself and get mad and try harder and harder and harder... never making it of course! Then I get furious and just walk away from the bar all together, but not for long. I always end up coming back.
This week I am searching to figure out where I got the idea to set that stupid bar up for me to jump over?! Who gave me the idea that I have standards I have to meet? At first I tried to say they are God's standards, but I was quickly told, that God doesn't hold me to the high standards that I try to live by...
It's just something to think about! :)
I'm starting to think I might have to have a complete rewiring/reboot/demolition and start all over of my insides! yikes!
So here is a picture of what they look like in my life... yours may look different, if you have them at all?.
Mine are like the high jump. You know in the olympics. That really high bar that is set up and the olympian runs a lil ways and then vaults off of a way too skinny pole that bends almost to the point of snapping, but just at the last minute catapults them over the bar, or into it, if it's too high.
I have this high jump bar that I set up for myself, pretty much in all areas of life. I run every day, more than once a day usually, and every single time either my skinny poles snaps, or I just don't make it over. I cannot make it over the bar of my standards for myself, no matter how hard I try. That skinny vaulting pole either snaps and smacks me in the face, or I crash head first into the bar, not even coming close to getting over it!
And so I keep trying and I keep trying and I frustrate myself and get mad and try harder and harder and harder... never making it of course! Then I get furious and just walk away from the bar all together, but not for long. I always end up coming back.
This week I am searching to figure out where I got the idea to set that stupid bar up for me to jump over?! Who gave me the idea that I have standards I have to meet? At first I tried to say they are God's standards, but I was quickly told, that God doesn't hold me to the high standards that I try to live by...
It's just something to think about! :)
I'm starting to think I might have to have a complete rewiring/reboot/demolition and start all over of my insides! yikes!
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