Love Displayed

“In the greatest display of obedience (and love) that will ever be known, Jesus took the full chalice of Man’s sin and God’s wrath, looked shuddering, deep into its depth and in a steel act of his will, drank it all”. - Kent Hughes

Whew, that is some deep mess, and really doesn't quite compute in my head, I think simply because I can't even imagine the depth of ALL of Man's sins, what we are capable of, yet don't act out simply because the Holy Spirit restrains His children at every point. And God's full wrath... whoa! Is that God's grace to me... that He convicts me of sins gently and sometimes one at a time? Obviously He knows me better than I know myself, in that I would be so overwhelmed with grief and would be distraught if He let me see ALL of my sins all at once, and ALL of His wrath in response to my sins. Praise God I never have to see that wrath directed toward me. The only place I know that wrath and feel it's weight is on the cross, on Jesus' shoulders. I wish that picture, His sacrifice, His amazing display of love and obedience would stay plastered in the forefront of my mind and heart from day to day, moment to moment.
Well, there's another picture of my sin... how I am such a wandering sheep of His, so easily distracted and straying off on my own way. I wander off from Him, in my heart, mind, and actions and cannot/will not keep that vision plastered on my heart and mind from day to day.
Ya know, it really is a good thing that God is All in All, a holy, angry, just, and wrathful God towards sins, and yet patient, merciful, slow to anger, forgiving and abounding in love at the same time, because I'm convinced that if He wasn't the latter.......... I would instantly be made into a wool coat and a tenderized, roasted passover meal!!!
Praise God for His amazing display of love that cannot be altered by my sinful rebellious wanderings nor my damnable righteous good deeds!!!!

Hold My Heart

I recently bought the Tenth Avenue North CD, Over and Underneath... it is absolutely amazing and has pierced deep in my soul. God has always used music to do this, and this CD has come at just the right time as I feel like a lot of the songs speak to where I am in my walk with my God. It's incredible! This one I keep playing over and over again as I pray to Him through song...

How long must I pray
Must I pray to You?
How long must I wait
Must I wait for You?
How long till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will you turn to me

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If you're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

I'm on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You run to me

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear you call my name
To hear you call my name

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would you come close and hold my heart
Hold my heart
Could You hold my heart?

-Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry6udsW9leA here is the link to hear it on YouTube.

Times

I know I need You
I need to love You
I'd love to see You but it's been so long

I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
I need to hear You
Is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You
When we're close I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell you all that I've done

Are you done forgiving?
Can You look past my pretending?
I'm so tired of defending what I've become
What have I become?

But I hear You say
My love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between

The times you doubt me
And when you can't feel
The times that you question
Is this for real?

The times that you're broken
The times that you mend
The times you hate me
The times that you bend

My love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between

The times that you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen
from grace

The times that you're hurting
The times that you heal
The time you go hungry and are
tempted to steal

In times of confusion
In chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the
weight of your shame

I'm there in your heart-ache
I'm there through the storm
My love I will keep you by my
power alone

I don't care where you've fallen or where
you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends
It never ends

-Tenth Avenue North
Actually this whole CD says it all as to where I am right now with my God. Music has a way of breaking down those hardened walls in my heart. These songs are so worth a trip over to YouTube to hear them. Or just buy the whole CD, it's amazing!

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

Chorus:
I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are
Holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hand and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I wanna give you life

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hand that are holding you
My hands are holding you

And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you
I'll never let you go

Chorus

-Tenth Avenue North
I seriously think they wrote this song with me in mind!!! Is that possible?! :)

True Abandonment

"True abandoment, giving myself to God in utter dependence on His willingness to give Himself to me, pleads only mercy. It allows me no room for control. It includes no claim I have on God that obligates Him to do anything. Only suffering has the power to bring me to this point."