Light vs. Dark

It's amazing to me the drastic difference light makes, seen and unseen.... 
This week I have been house sitting for a family who is vacationing at the beach. I have always loved being at their house, it's warm, cozy, full of character, laughter and love. A lot of that has to do with the people that live in the house. I love them to pieces.
So this week I have noticed several obvious things! A house is a lot bigger when no one is there but me! And let's just say, I've never been a fan of big houses, much less a big house where I am the only one occupying it! AHHHHHH! It's just creepy! too much space and emptiness! ha!
I have also noticed it gets dark at night! bwahahaha, just cracked myself up! duh! lol... I have never liked the dark. I especially don't like the dark in a big house, where again, I am the only one occupying it.
Before the sun sets I am great, at ease, going outside, watering plants, taking the garbage out in the garage, doing laundry, etc. I can see everything around me. I know what's there in front of me. I am aware of everything before me and behind me for that matter.  Then... dah...dah...dah...dah...scary music...the sun sets. It gradually gets dimmer, and I can't see as well. Then it's pitch black and I can't see what's beyond the windows. I can't see in the backyard garden. I can see in the garage because, well, I keep the light on until I go to bed. Even going from room to room, I turn on lights... I can't see in the next room, I can't see in dark corners... where last week one of the kids jumped out and scared the bajeeeeeeeeezus out of me! Yeah, he got sucker punched! I warned him! hahaha!
At night I am more aware that I cannot see, my knowledge and visibility are limited and fear and uncertainty sets in. Once again, I have never liked the dark... maybe it's my extremely vivid imagination, or amplified fears, or awareness of who rules the night air. All of these things play into the simple fact that I just like sunshine and light! ha! Dark and night are for sleeping! :)
So for the past week I have kept doors closed to dark rooms, left hall lights on, bolstered my mind to just not worry about what is going on behind the wide open uncovered windows, out in the dark yard. I go upstairs, leave the bathroom light on and lay down with a pistol by the bed... ha!
This is the seen (visible, tangible) of light vs. dark!
As always there is more to the seen that just what you see. I know, sounds funny, but it's true. The unseen sometimes seems even more real than the seen, especially at night when you can't see. This is where my imagination and inability to see make a mess of my mind. This is also what drives me to realize some Truths in the midst of darkness and pushes me to think deeper.
1. God is light... praise His Name, hallelujah!!
2. God drives out darkness...wooohooo!
3. God is love.
4. Perfect love drives out fear! yehessssss
5. Satan is the prince of the night... booooo hisssssssss!
6. God never sleeps, doesn't need too.
7. God sees all...even what I cannot see in darkness
8. God is in control over all things, even the ol' lurky one!
9. Even the darkness cannot hide Him.
10. He protects.
11. He guides...His Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
So as I lay down at night on guard, because I can't see and uptight because my knowledge and visibility are limited... I am (I gotta be honest) slightly comforted that He is light and all of those things that I cannot be. I am so very thankful that He also knows me and has put the knowledge of Himself in my heart. So eventually I fall asleep reminding myself that He is awake and active and in me. Which also leads to the imagery in my head that as I walk through a dark house my heart and head glows like a 100 watt energy saver light bulb. ha! Told ya my imagination ran wild!
So with Him in me and me in Him we shine and He drives away darkness as I go. This also brings me to more imagery. This path I walk from day to day lately has seemed dark, filled with darkness actually. I don't know where He is leading. I don't know what He's up to. I don't know why He is doing what He's doing. I don't know what His good is. I don't know what or who is right around the next corner ready to pounce. I don't know what obstacles are coming. As a sinful human, my knowledge and visibility are limited. I often feel like I'm wandering around in a dark room with my arms out in front of me trying to feel my way through to find something familiar or locate the right direction I'm supposed to be going, or seeking for something that is comforting in the darkness. I am realizing He doesn't always shine His light way ahead. He doesn't light the path days, months or even years down the road. He gives me just enough light to illuminate where my feet are going to touch ground right now, in this step. Only this step is visible.
Recently I came across a new favorite verse. My verse of the year actually, and in that verse I am loving this section... "and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "this is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left..."
It comforts me with all this visible and invisible surrounding darkness that He is in me, around me, behind me, working through me and walking with me. So as I feel like I am wandering in the darkness... He is light and He is leading me. Praise God He lives in me and is active, at work, purging darkness and filling me with His light, one step at a time.
I believe, even in the midst of darkness... help my unbelief?!

Sweet Words

"The heavens declare the glory of God,

and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Day to day pours out speech,

and night to night reveals knowledge.

There is no speech, nor are there words,

whose voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out through all the earth,

and their words to the end of the world.

In them he has set a tent for the sun,

which comes out like a bridegroom

leaving his chamber, and like a strong man,

runs it course with joy.

Its rising is from the end of the heavens,

and its circuit to the end of them, and

there is nothing hidden from its heat.

The law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the LORD is sure,

making wise the simple;

the precepts of the LORD are right,

rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the LORD is pure,

enlightening the eyes;

the fear of the LORD is clean,

enduring forever;

the rules of the LORD are true;

and righteous altogether.

More to be desired are they than gold,

even much fine gold;

sweeter also than honey and

drippings of the honeycomb.

Moreover, by them is your servent warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors?

Declare me innocent from hidden faults.

Keep back your servent also from

presumptuous sins; let them not

have dominion over me!

Then shall I be blameless, and

innocent of great transgression.

Let the words of my mouth and the

mediation of my heart be acceptable

in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

- Psalm 19

Today I am thankful that His Word taste sweet as honey... it has not always been so. Today is actually a first in a long time! He is at work! Praise God! He is my song of joy! Thank You for answering me...
I believe LORD Jesus, help my weak unbelief?!

Embrace Suffering... WTH?!

I was sent some sweet encouragement from a sweet blessing of a friend this morning... it read this...
" He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalm 147: 3

It was like a big ol hug around my aching heart! Which left me wanting more... so after I got to work, and after reading a sweet friend's email of heart struggle... I needed more! So I looked up that verse... then my chin hit the floor and ugly words rolled out! hahaha
This is what I read...

"Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.
The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
The LORD lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground..."
-Psalm 147:1-6

Even as I'm about to type this I'm still cringing... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! ha! Because this Psalm is asking me to do something I hate, something I run from, something I've never done in my life. In this Psalm, Jesus is asking me to embrace suffering for His glory! What?!?!!? To go along with the title... WHAT THE HELL?!?! Insert more ugly words here!
Embrace suffering?! Really?! Are you sure?! Re-read one more time... and insert more ugly words... ha!
This is fo sho not a natural instinct, I don't jump at this opportunity...I don't wanna!!!
As I sat with my jaw on the floor, it all began to sink in my heart and the WTH moment got a lil worse... I know, I know, could it really get worse?! YES! Because not only is Jesus asking me to embrace suffering, but He's telling me to praise Him in the midst of it! Insert another ugly.... well, you get the idea! 
It says praise the Lord!...sing praises...for it is pleasant...a song of praise is fitting...
What the frickin _________ beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep?! FITTING?!?! PRAISE IN THE MIDST OF BROKENHEARTEDNESS IS FITTING?!
That one is hard to swallow...
The Lord has had me, and very close friends around me, in a hard place for a while now. A place of heartache, brokenness, longing, grieving, waiting, and ugh.... I cringe to say it... trusting.
As I read this, and then wrote to encourage a sweet friend, I, myself, was reminded of His Truth! WOW! It's amazing when the Spirit speaks, the Bible just kind of de-codes itself!
In the midst of my brokenheartedness, as my heart is wounded and aching... He's here. Not only is He here, He's abundantly powerful, caring, understanding... and yet, at the same time... He's the God who gives the stars their names! Sooo big, yet soooo personal! Giving the stars their names, healing broken hearts and binding wounds all in one breath!!! WHOA!
If He gives the stars their names.... How much more does He know my name and the names of my family in Christ that are suffering. Not only that, but if He gave all the stars their names.... then surely He knows the name of my husband, my unborn children... the deep longings and aches of my heart! AND He understands... whew! This is big Truth... hard Truth... a double edged sword... it cuts, yet heals and feels wonderful even as the sword penetrates my heart!
He is understanding beyond measure!
I'm in shock that I was sent that verse this morning and the verses above fit so well with where I am!
Coincidence?! Negative! ha!
As I struggle to trust Him, His goodness, His faithfulness, His safety (since He's not safe, but good)... all I can do really is pray He will show up in my time of heartache and need.
One reason these verses floor me, and why I struggle so deep, is because I know that God is not obligated to give me anything good. He is under no obligation, no rules, that say He has to bless me in any way...and He especially doesn't bless me just as a result of my weak attempts to obey and trust Him!
But in the same breath I'm reminded, even though He's not obligated... He wants to. He wants to give me all good things! He is my heavenly Father that is for me at all times. What sucks is the grind that hits where my good vs. His good are not the same things! 99.999999999999% of the time I can bank on that one! ha!  Which brings my heart right back around to struggling. I could go in this circle of thinking all day long!
But I won't take ya back around for that loop again.... ha!
What stands out in that circle of weak faith that I keep lapping is... Him.
He's worthy of praise.
It's fitting to sing a song of praise to Him.
He binds wounds.
He heals broken hearts.
He understands.
He is abundantly powerful.
He gives stars their names.
He builds up.
He gathers the outcasts.
He determines.
He lifts up the humble.
He is great...
I'm seeing a pattern here... duh Lindsey!! It's not about me...It's all about Him! He's the One that does for me. He does everything in those verses! I mean ev-er-y-thing! And there is no deal made, obey me, trust me and I will do these things...no! It's praise the Lord!...sing praises to our God...a song of praise is fitting... well when ya think about it that way... of course it's fitting! He is my everything when I have done nothing to deserve Him! He is my Redeemer and Healer and Savior and Shephard and Comfort, when all I do is doubt, fear, shake in my heels, turn and run, harden my heart.... WOW! Speechlessness.....
Lord put a song in my heart...right here, in the middle of heartache, so I can sing for joy to You! Even when I don't get my way, and am throwing a 2  yr. old fit, even in the middle of suffering loved ones, even when broken hearts abound, even when I strive and seek for more to fill me than You alone... be my Portion? Show up?...Make my heart know You are here. Where would I be without Your love, grace, kindness, mercy and salvation?! Whew!
I believe LORD Jesus, help my weak, fickle, unbelief?!

Hiding Place

Lord Jesus be my safe hiding place...
I believe, help my unbelief?!

Pain Megaphone

"The LORD God whispers to us in our pleasures, but He shouts in our pains... it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." -CS Lewis

All I can say is the LORD seems to shouting into my soul this week...
I don't have the answers, hell, I can barely stand the weight of the pain...
All I can do is turn to Him and plead mercy, and wait for Him....which I royally suck at most of the time!
I just finished listening to Pastor Mike, the sermon of God's love and faithfulness.

If you're experiencing pain, loss, heartache... click the link above.
Seek His face... wait patiently for Him.
It's all we can do in our weakness and need... which is where we are all the time, realized or not!

Lord Jesus I believe, help my unbelief?!