Embrace Suffering... WTH?!

I was sent some sweet encouragement from a sweet blessing of a friend this morning... it read this...
" He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalm 147: 3

It was like a big ol hug around my aching heart! Which left me wanting more... so after I got to work, and after reading a sweet friend's email of heart struggle... I needed more! So I looked up that verse... then my chin hit the floor and ugly words rolled out! hahaha
This is what I read...

"Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.
The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
The LORD lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground..."
-Psalm 147:1-6

Even as I'm about to type this I'm still cringing... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! ha! Because this Psalm is asking me to do something I hate, something I run from, something I've never done in my life. In this Psalm, Jesus is asking me to embrace suffering for His glory! What?!?!!? To go along with the title... WHAT THE HELL?!?! Insert more ugly words here!
Embrace suffering?! Really?! Are you sure?! Re-read one more time... and insert more ugly words... ha!
This is fo sho not a natural instinct, I don't jump at this opportunity...I don't wanna!!!
As I sat with my jaw on the floor, it all began to sink in my heart and the WTH moment got a lil worse... I know, I know, could it really get worse?! YES! Because not only is Jesus asking me to embrace suffering, but He's telling me to praise Him in the midst of it! Insert another ugly.... well, you get the idea! 
It says praise the Lord!...sing praises...for it is pleasant...a song of praise is fitting...
What the frickin _________ beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep?! FITTING?!?! PRAISE IN THE MIDST OF BROKENHEARTEDNESS IS FITTING?!
That one is hard to swallow...
The Lord has had me, and very close friends around me, in a hard place for a while now. A place of heartache, brokenness, longing, grieving, waiting, and ugh.... I cringe to say it... trusting.
As I read this, and then wrote to encourage a sweet friend, I, myself, was reminded of His Truth! WOW! It's amazing when the Spirit speaks, the Bible just kind of de-codes itself!
In the midst of my brokenheartedness, as my heart is wounded and aching... He's here. Not only is He here, He's abundantly powerful, caring, understanding... and yet, at the same time... He's the God who gives the stars their names! Sooo big, yet soooo personal! Giving the stars their names, healing broken hearts and binding wounds all in one breath!!! WHOA!
If He gives the stars their names.... How much more does He know my name and the names of my family in Christ that are suffering. Not only that, but if He gave all the stars their names.... then surely He knows the name of my husband, my unborn children... the deep longings and aches of my heart! AND He understands... whew! This is big Truth... hard Truth... a double edged sword... it cuts, yet heals and feels wonderful even as the sword penetrates my heart!
He is understanding beyond measure!
I'm in shock that I was sent that verse this morning and the verses above fit so well with where I am!
Coincidence?! Negative! ha!
As I struggle to trust Him, His goodness, His faithfulness, His safety (since He's not safe, but good)... all I can do really is pray He will show up in my time of heartache and need.
One reason these verses floor me, and why I struggle so deep, is because I know that God is not obligated to give me anything good. He is under no obligation, no rules, that say He has to bless me in any way...and He especially doesn't bless me just as a result of my weak attempts to obey and trust Him!
But in the same breath I'm reminded, even though He's not obligated... He wants to. He wants to give me all good things! He is my heavenly Father that is for me at all times. What sucks is the grind that hits where my good vs. His good are not the same things! 99.999999999999% of the time I can bank on that one! ha!  Which brings my heart right back around to struggling. I could go in this circle of thinking all day long!
But I won't take ya back around for that loop again.... ha!
What stands out in that circle of weak faith that I keep lapping is... Him.
He's worthy of praise.
It's fitting to sing a song of praise to Him.
He binds wounds.
He heals broken hearts.
He understands.
He is abundantly powerful.
He gives stars their names.
He builds up.
He gathers the outcasts.
He determines.
He lifts up the humble.
He is great...
I'm seeing a pattern here... duh Lindsey!! It's not about me...It's all about Him! He's the One that does for me. He does everything in those verses! I mean ev-er-y-thing! And there is no deal made, obey me, trust me and I will do these things...no! It's praise the Lord!...sing praises to our God...a song of praise is fitting... well when ya think about it that way... of course it's fitting! He is my everything when I have done nothing to deserve Him! He is my Redeemer and Healer and Savior and Shephard and Comfort, when all I do is doubt, fear, shake in my heels, turn and run, harden my heart.... WOW! Speechlessness.....
Lord put a song in my heart...right here, in the middle of heartache, so I can sing for joy to You! Even when I don't get my way, and am throwing a 2  yr. old fit, even in the middle of suffering loved ones, even when broken hearts abound, even when I strive and seek for more to fill me than You alone... be my Portion? Show up?...Make my heart know You are here. Where would I be without Your love, grace, kindness, mercy and salvation?! Whew!
I believe LORD Jesus, help my weak, fickle, unbelief?!