As a woman I feel emotions are in extremely high concentration in my body, heart, mind and soul. I think that may be the understatement of the century! ha!
On some days, like today, my emotions literally feel like they are boiling up in me, and like a shaken coke can, are about to spew out all over everyone in my immediate vicinity! I just want to scream... "throw down the visqueen! Hurry! She's gonna blow... here it comes!!! ~ KABOOOOOOOM!
Dramatic?! Me?! Nope! Emotional?, Me?! Yes!
If you aren't an emotional woman, or are in denial of same, let me just give ya an idea of some emotions that are boiling today...
Frustration: with work. Frustration: that I even have to feel the "bad emotions". Frustration: that we aren't in Eden anymore, and everything is seriously whacked out! Anger: that the Devil reads my blog and acts upon my weaknesses, oh and let's please add hatred to him also! Disgust: at the sinfulness of my own heart and it's depth that never seems to end. Sadness: that my sweet friends can't see their father anymore and that a beautiful wife is alone. Grief: That M~ won't come around the corner laughing while we're goofing off in the living room.. Hurt: That the kids won't have anymore "Dad time". Frustration: that this roller coaster of life is so flippin hard. Frustration: that the world and those around me don't know how to let me be and grieve and be sad. Ache: for Mama Jene and the new road of grief she must walk. Fear: of losing others that I love dearly. Helpless: in my understanding and ability to help. Coldness: that I have a bazillion questions that I may never know the answer to.
Which leads me to a conversation I had with my brother the other day. Thank God for a pastor in the family! I can just never have too much godly, wisdom spoken into my life... because honestly I suck at seeking it on my own, but that's a whole other story! Pooey!
In my conversation my brother sweetly and gently reminded me that in times of grief, deep hurt and overwhelming emotions like these, it is essential to rely on the knowledge I have. A lot of times my head knowledge gets in the way of my heart experiencing the Lord. This specific time though my head knowledge is needed to refresh my aching heart of the Truth. Truth that seems to diffuse into a sea of emotions. Truth that seems untrue because of the overwhelmed-ness of not only this situation, but life, the world, sin, etc. Truth that seems weak when emotion is over powering and Hulk strong.
It must have been the Lord that brought this part of our conversation back to my thoughts today, because trust me... I've been spiraling away from Truth instead of towards it. Praise His Name that inspite of me, He is constantly and faithfullly at work in me, pushing me, dragging, prodding, reminding, smacking me over the head!!
So in the midst of this black hole of devestating, Hulk-like, overwhelming emotions... let me step out of my 100 proof concentrated emotional woman-ness and remind my crazy female self of some Truth!
God is God regardless of the present situation!
God is in control of all things, most of all man's hearts!
God has Satan (sorry lil $#!+) on a leash and yes is even in control of him too!
God is love.
God is good. Even when I feel this is questionable.
God is at work doing good, even when evil seems to reign.
God is here, present, never busy or not paying attention.
God knows all my emotions, bless Him... whew! Tough job!
God has given me His Spirit that I am even able to feel these deep things before Him.
God has a holy and righteous purpose.
God is patient. Can I get a hallelujah AMEN, THANK YOU JESUS!
He tells me in one of my favorite verses: Exodus 34:6-7
"The LORD, the LORD... a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgressions and sins..."
God is faithful. Even when I am not faithful to Him.
God has redeemed me in all my emotional messiness.
God keeps His promises and never lies.
God is slow to anger. Another Hallelujah is most needed here!
God in the perfect act of love gave me His Son, so that I could be redeemed to Him.
I could go on... but I've remembered enough now that for the moment my heart and emotions are back to a slow simmer instead of boiling over on high! False alarm everyone... you can pick up the visqueen for now! She's back under His control...whew! That was a close one! ha!
Praise Jesus that He has placed the knowledge of Himself in my heart and calls me His daughter!
Praise God that in the midst of overwhelming emotion and pain, He remains God, the same yesterday, today and forever!
Praise His Name that He is a constant Rock and Shelter from the storm.
Praise His holy Name that He is not asleep in this boat of life... He is here and actively at work!
Thank you God for your Truths and the rememberance of them in my heart!
I love you even when my emotions portray that I don't!
Thank You for first loving me!
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