"Therefore the LORD wait to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone!" - Isaiah 30: 18-22
Not only is this my verse, but my prayer as well this year!
This theme has been popping up all over the place just this week. A song I heard this morning in the car. A movie we watched last night, which brought to mind a sermon. My pastor loves to use movies for application, which I love, because I love movies too!
As we watched the lastest Karate Kid, starring Jaden Smith, we got to the part of the movie where Jackie Chan is crying in his car, in the depths of despair and Jaden pulls him out with the bamboo poles and Chan teaches his student, Smith, the proper Kung Fu moves using the bamboo poles. You've got to really see it to get the imagery here...
But, it brought back to mind a sermon, (Linz paraphrase) wherein Jesus wants to take my life, in total surrender, as if connected to Him on the other end of the bamboo poles. He wants to guide, direct, move through me fluidly as if we are moving as one. This verse this morning ties all that together...
As I cry out to the LORD. As I struggle to believe that He hears me and that He will show up. As I seek to stay in the middle of His will... in all of this I am extremely tired. It's at this point that I normally turn and bolt in the opposite, easier, more care-free direction, but I can't... He's keeping me here PRAISE HIS NAME.
And in this, now, I so long to hear His voice behind me saying, "This is my way, walk in it Lindsey." To have that clear leading, direction, guiding, Him moving through me, Him here keeping me in the middle. That right there sounds like heaven to me! Peace! Rest! Relaxing! Safety!
As I close my eyes to 'dream' of how glorious it would be to be led, moved through, directed by Him; my eyes immediately pop back open in the reality of who I am and who it is I am fighting against!
There is an enemy in front of me at all times, enticing, enchanting, wooing, deceiving, lying, dazzling, tricking, distracting as I strain to hear His Voice behind me, in me. There is also a rebel within me that instinctively wants to run ahead, leave, bolt, break free, independently go my own way. UGH!!! I honestly don't need the enemy's help at all! I can do pretty awful on my own!
Thank God that He is holding me by His holy righteous right hand...sometimes it feels as if He's got me while I'm kicking and screaming and beating against His chest to get away. But even in all this, I think the most promising thing in my verse of the year is.... "yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear..."
As much as I rebel from the inside out...
As much as I am bedazzled by the glitter of the enemy...
As much as I am impatient in waiting for Him...
I long deeply to see my Teacher!
I long for Him to show up on my behalf!
I long for my ears to hear Him above all the noise!
For the first time in my life, in all my twenty-nine, almost thirty years... I guess the valley of the shadow is deep enough that I can see the brilliance and splendor of the Son that breaks through in glorious rays! "...though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore..."
Satisfy me LORD?!
Satisfy me LORD?!
I'm begging you to help me see, You're all I want, You're all I need...
Oh, Satisfy me LORD?!!
I believe, help my overwhelming unbelief!
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