Exhausting Need

Exhausted after two weeks of full out intense spiritual warfare...
Exhausted after heartache deeper than what I can express with words...
Exhausted after fighting an invisible war which can't be won in and of myself...
Exhausted after crying tears I never knew I was full of...
Exhausted after putting on a smile to make it through the day...
Exhausted after giving of my heart to those whom I love deeply...
Exhausted after being stabbed in the back and reaching out to love in return...
Exhausted after hearing of more and more and more heartache...
Exhausted after celebrating a wedding of a dear sweet friend, a match made in heaven...
Exhausted after photographing that wedding and being creative when already on E...
Exhausted after making coffee and tending to kitchen needs...
Exhausted after teaching a dear brother how to use his digital camera...
Exhausted in every sense of the word, I forced myself to sit on the front pew in church, not even able to hold my shoulders up. Exhausted with no energy to sing, much less hold the bulletin to read the words. Exhausted I sat, soaked in and realized my need, even more than I knew, which exhausted me even more! ha!

Exhausted I barely sang, through tears streaming...
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you.
And the waves will not overcome you.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, you are Mine.

For I am the Lord your God.
I am the Holy One of Israel,
You Savior.
I am the Lord, do not fear.
I am the Lord, do not fear.
I am the Lord.

When you pass through the fire,
You'll not be burned.
The flames will not consume you,
do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name,
you are Mine."

Exhausted I cried even more to hear comforting Truth that I needed.
Exhausted I listened, sitting with my shoulders slumped, not able to hold them up.
Exhausted I learned more of my need. Need that is deeper than I even realize.
Exhausted I was reminded that the Lord's love for me in no way depends on my performance.
Exhausted I was told His love is outside of what I do, His love depends on Him and His character alone.
Exhausted I don't have anymore energy to fight.
Exhausted I am overwhelmed at the never ending battle and possible opposition.
Exhausted I am helpless.
Exhausted I realize my inability to stay, my desire to run away to numb, ease and quick fixes.
Thank You Jesus for my exhaustion... I don't have the energy to run... numbing doesn't sound fun. It sounds even more exhausting. Thank You for exhausting all of my own energy, in order to open my eyes to see that it's You that is keeping me, holding me up and holding me together. It was never me to begin with!
Exhaustion in me.....resting in Him.
It's all that's left; all I can do.
He is my only Hope; my only Truth!
Thank you Jesus.
I praise Your Name for my exhaustion!
Hold me Jesus, in my exhaustion... I believe, help my unbelief!?!