Falling Apart

Sometimes it takes falling apart to come together...
It's really not the most fun thing in the world, but I believe it is the most common, especially for us humans who like to pretend that we are lil miniature gods, running around 'controlling' everything and trying to control everyone in our little universe. Usually it's only when we fall apart that we realize we are not God after all and that we need someone outside ourselves to hold us together.
I now dub myself "Lynseeus"... because it sounds idiotically lil goddish and just happens to resemble my name! ha! If I were a god, like I pretend to be, a lot, I would be the god of independence. Wait!... I would be? Or think I am??? Hmmmm...Childishly I live most days thinking I am independent, I don't need anyone, I can do tons of things on my own, I refuse to be needy, I've got this...I've got me, so back off!
Yeh, you guessed it, this is where the fall apart comes. All it takes is one lil shift in my independent world to make this fragile porcelain 'god like wanna be Lynseeus' shatter into a million pieces.
All it takes is one death of a dearly loved and respected friend.
One heartache that I can't heal.
One glimpse of my filthy, beyond cure, deceitful heart.
One frustration that pushes me over the edge.
One person that I am not able to change.
One ginormous annoyingly painful crick in my neck....
the result: FALL APART-NESS!
But the real result is the blessing of True reality that sets in! I'm not god... bwahahahaha! I know, I know,  you are rolling on the floor laughing your guts out! Laugh away... your fall apart is coming! ha!
It's only when the Lord gently pushes me to fall apart that I realize just how much I need Him. I can only imagine... if this sinful world was even an ounce better, easier, happier, more sparkly than what it already is, I'd never need a God, much less a Savior!
but because it's not; because a lot of days suck; because it's extremely hard; because this world is full of sin, pain, and hurt; because I am not lil god Lynseeus; because I can't even breathe on my own; because death happens; because evil is alive and well; because hardships are promised; because physical pain will reoccur; because Cancer is destroying life; because I can't stop sinning; because I can't stop pain and hurt; because my heart aches; because I fall apart; because I can't move my daggom head today without wincing.... I need someone outside me to hold me together! PaaaaaaaaaahLEeeeeeeeAaaaaaSssssEeeeeeee!!!!!
I NEED A SAVIOR! I need a rescuer! I need a warrior who is almighty, strong, and all powerful! I need a Lord that hears me and sympathizes with my pain (yes sympathize, because He's been through it all... I bet when He got cricks in His neck He never cussed! Ugh!), I need a Shepard to lead me, to keep me out of trouble, I need a defender, I need shelter, I need a great Physician to heal my soul, I need a Comforter who is with me always, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I NEED!
I am so thankful that I am not god! And on my 'come together' days when I topple off my self-made pedestal, it's sheer bliss and relaxation to know that I know God and He knows me! Thank the Lord my rotten 'god wanna be self' is covered in the blood of Jesus! He's the only reason I can even safely fall apart, because He's there... He's got me. He's holding all my shattered pieces.
Praise His Name that in my fall apart, He holds me together!
Thank you Jesus for pushing me apart to find You holding me!