I am a very visual person, maybe very concrete... I'm not sure what the exact word here is... There is something very tangible about the way I think and process, kind of take it as it comes, what ya see is what ya get kinda thing.... Not that I don't think deep, but I think practical and with common sense. In most instances I think this is a good thing, hahaha, of course others might not, but I do! ha!
Yet, when it comes to my faith in the Lord, my Savior, it makes things a lil more hairy and difficult. Not only do I struggle to believe, but I fall easily and hard for the more visible, tangible, easy to see, glittery things. So not only does my thinking go against me in this area; I also have a rebellious lil independent fighter in me; not to mention an enemy that knows exactly how to use my mind against me.
Lately the LORD has been opening my eyes, ears and mind to see Him in new ways, in ways that go against my norm of thinking. With that I have started to question more than just what I am now seeing, but a lot more of what is brought before me, and just what are natural givens in this world.
~My biggest is believing the LORD is here with me, when everything in this world screams that He is not. ~Most everyone lives as though they are their own god.
~Most think and live as if they have no need for a Savior.
~There seems to be just enough free will to be disastrous, because from where I stand, most days, it seems as though this world is running on it's own, or trying at least. It's only when the Lord opens my eyes and impresses the Truth in my heart that He is what is keeping us alive. He's the reason I can breathe. He's holding everything together, but not many acknowledge that and live that out, it's just the opposite. Most people live as though He doesn't even exist and He is not the one filling their lungs with air in each breath. UGH! So backwards!
~Everything about this world glitters in an eerie and distracting way, that grabs your attention and directs your mind, heart and affections away from Him who truly deserves it all. It seems as though we are all needy addicts, everyone just using a different drug to numb, escape and distract from the ache of wretched sinfulness in our souls and the desperate need of a Savior, an ache we can't remedy ourselves.
~I've seen this quote... "The only limitations you have are those you put on yourself." - What the hell?! Seriously?! This the BS that I fall for?! Ummmmm... born full of sin to the very core... that's a pretty big limitation there!
~Hollywood true love; don't even get me started on this!
~Giving and ministering to the needy, when the whole world pushes to get as much as you can as quick as you can.
~Shoot, realizing my own neediness in a world that is full of I'm fine; I'm good - hate to break it to ya, but we are not okay!
~Happiness being the ultimate goal in life and pursuing whatever it takes to be happy. I've done this for so long! And am now thinking, what a waste! What could possibly make me happy enough in this life to mask all my need and deep longings/needs for a Savior? And how long does that happiness last?!
~Having the biggest and best things will satisfy that ache in my heart. Negative! Hasn't worked as of yet.
~Friendships being easy, and if not, then just cross them off and say bu-bye... how can a friendship be easy when we are constantly called to spur one another on in Truth, which sometimes requires confronting in love?! Nothing easy about that, but everything fruitful, hard and satisfying when the Lord is in the middle.
~Evil, self-made men (humans) running rampant, committing sins, seemingly out of control... my own life and heart makes me question sometimes, Lord where are you in the midst of this craziness, I deem my life?
~Doctors and drugs and technology that prolongs life, making us feel as though we are in control of how long we live and the state of our well being during this life. Nuh uh, He is the only One who numbers our days, knows every hair on our head. Who do we think we are?!
~ The goodness of man... I'm hearing a lot lately how this person is a good person; they really are a good person; they might do some not good things, but deep down they are a good person... pure craziness! The only good people were Adam and Eve, and that was only before they ate that daggom fruit! Since then, regardless of who we are, or pretend to be, we are evil, full of sin, with hearts that are sick, deceitful and wicked and beyond cure. How is that good?
Okay, that's enough ranting and raving for now... ha! It's just that for the first time I am questioning normalcy in this world. The current of the world that is so sweeping and strong, the glitteriness of the lies that are spoon fed to us, the normalcy that is not normal at all, are seeming to lose their luster and the backwardness of everything seems to be smacking me upside the head!
I will have to say it's nothing that I have done. It's no revelation of goodness in me that is opening my eyes. It's not that I'm some amazing prophet of knowledge, hahaha! That's just funny!
It's simply my Jesus is opening my eyes to who I am, who He truly is, the hidden Truth of this world I live in. He's lifting the veil, He's sweeping away the glitter, He's unmasking my eyes, unstopping my ears. He's revealing who He is and how amazing His love is contrasted against the backdrop of this backwards, sinful world. It's nothing of me, but everything of Him that is showing me what, where and who the True Treasure is...
All I can say is thank you Jesus, for who you are, your love, your long-suffering, your severe mercy, your goodness. Thank you Jesus for calling my name, dying for me, saving me and loving me.
Lord keep me at the foot of your Cross, keep my eyes and ears open to you alone! Be here, visible, with me and keep me focused on your love alone.
I believe, help my unbelief!
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